Somewhere in Texas (a star to be) (2024)

The Onion Movie

Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

How to Get Ahead in Advertising

Pressure from his boss and a skin-cream client produces a talking boil on a British adman's neck.

The Great Dictator

Dictator Adenoid Hynkel tries to expand his empire while a poor Jewish barber tries to avoid persecution from Hynkel's regime.

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

After the insane General Jack D. Ripper initiates a nuclear strike on the Soviet Union, a war room full of politicians, generals and a Russian diplomat all frantically try to stop it.

Spaceballs

When the nefarious Dark Helmet hatches a plan to snatch Princess Vespa and steal her planet's air, space-bum-for-hire Lone Starr and his clueless sidekick fly to the rescue. Along the way, they meet Yogurt, who puts Lone Starr wise to the power of "The Schwartz." Can he master it in time to save the day?

The Long Goodbye

In 1970s Hollywood, Detective Philip Marlowe tries to help a friend who is accused of murdering his wife.

Ninotchka

A stern Russian woman sent to Paris on official business finds herself attracted to a man who represents everything she is supposed to detest.

The Fire Within

Although his alcoholism has been treated, Alain still feels he is deeply unwell and does not feel he can leave the detoxification clinic once and for all. His wife, living in New York, continues to pay for his treatment, but no longer contacts him directly. He intends to commit suicide, but first takes a ride to Paris to catch up with old friends.

Pleasantville

Geeky teenager David and his popular twin sister, Jennifer, get sucked into the black-and-white world of a 1950s TV sitcom called "Pleasantville," and find a world where everything is peachy keen all the time. But when Jennifer's modern attitude disrupts Pleasantville's peaceful but boring routine, she literally brings color into its life.

D.E.B.S.

The star of a team of teenage crime fighters falls for the alluring villainess she must bring to justice.

Life of Brian

Brian Cohen is an average young Jewish man, but through a series of ridiculous events, he gains a reputation as the Messiah. When he's not dodging his followers or being scolded by his shrill mother, the hapless Brian has to contend with the pompous Pontius Pilate and acronym-obsessed members of a separatist movement. Rife with Monty Python's signature absurdity, the tale finds Brian's life paralleling Biblical lore, albeit with many more laughs.

Once a Year Can't Hurt 2

A sequel to more traditions of a typical Colombian family, this time we will see a bachelor party, Halloween, a heartbreak and much more.

The Bastards' Fig Tree

A trigger-happy Nationalist fears retribution from the son of a man he executed. To mollify the boy's anger, he takes a drastic step: he keeps constant watch over the fig tree the boy has planted at his father's gravesite. As the years pass, the man's lonely vigil makes him a tourist attraction, much to the chagrin of his former colleagues.

Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens

Believe it or not, even Smalltown USA still has people who are unfulfilled and unrelieved in the midst of plenty. Levonna and Lamar could have the perfect relationship, were it not for Lamar's obsession with rear entry.

Handsome Serge

After long absence, a man returns to his hometown only to find his best friend has become an alcoholic.

I Am the Other Woman

Successful architect Robert has a one-night stand with a mysterious lady in red. The next day they meet again, but Carolin is now a corporate lawyer working on a major contract for Robert ...

Vixen!

Vixen lives in a Canadian mountain resort with her naive pilot husband. While he's away flying in tourists, she gets it on with practically everybody including a husband and his wife, and even her biker brother. She is openly racist, and she makes it clear that she won't do the wild thing with her brother's biker friend, who is black.

Leaving Las Vegas

Ben Sanderson, an alcoholic Hollywood screenwriter who lost everything because of his drinking, arrives in Las Vegas to drink himself to death. There, he meets and forms an uneasy friendship and non-interference pact with prostitute Sera.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiyev travels to America to make a documentary. As he zigzags across the nation, Borat meets real people in real situations with hysterical consequences. His backwards behavior generates strong reactions around him exposing prejudices and hypocrisies in American culture.

A Grand Day Out

Wallace and Gromit have run out of cheese, and this provides an excellent excuse for the duo to take their holiday to the moon, where, as everyone knows, there is ample cheese. Preserved by the Academy Film Archive.

Blue Rain Osaka

A woman who runs a bar with her older sister has her life disrupted when she has a chance meeting with an old lover.

Raising Arizona

When a childless couple--an ex-con and an ex-cop--decide to help themselves to one of another family's quintuplets, their lives become more complicated than they anticipated.

The Ugly Story

Based on a satirical short story by Fyodor Dostoyevsky concerning the escapades of a Russian civil servant.

Love & Mercy

In the late 1960s, the Beach Boys' Brian Wilson stops touring, produces "Pet Sounds" and begins to lose his grip on reality. By the 1980s, under the sway of a controlling therapist, he finds a savior in Melinda Ledbetter.

By Player

The film is a series of vignettes from Taiji Tonoyama's life and film clips, interspersed with a dialogue to camera by Nobuko Otowa, addressing the camera as if she is addressing Tonoyama himself, recollecting events in his life. The film focuses on Tonoyama's alcohol dependence and his various sexual relationships, as well as his film work with Shindo.

Moonwalker

Moonwalker is a 1988 American experimental anthology musical film starring Michael Jackson. Rather than featuring one continuous narrative, the film expresses the influence of fandom and innocence through a collection of short films about Jackson, some of which are long-form music videos from Jackson's 1987 album Bad. The film is named after his famous dance, "the moonwalk", which he originally learned as "the backslide" but perfected the dance into something no one had seen before. The movie's introduction is a type of music video for Jackson's "Man in the Mirror" but is not the official video for the song. The film then expresses a montage of Michael's career, which leads into a parody of his Bad video titled "Badder", followed by sections "Speed Demon" and "Leave Me Alone". What follows is the biggest section where Michael plays a hero with magical powers and saves three children from Mr. Big. This section is "Smooth Criminal" which leads into a performance of "Come Together".

The History of White People in America

In this parody of documentaries, host Martin Mull discusses the contributions that white people have made to the USA, visits the Institute of White Studies, and follows a typical white family as they go about their everyday lives.

A Dirty Shame

Sylvia Stickles runs a convenience store with her husband and mother-in-law. One day, Sylvia is hit on the head and transforms from an uptight prude to a sex-crazed lunatic. As she goes on a rampage through town, Sylvia attracts the attention of Ray Ray, a sexual healer and tow truck driver in search of the world's greatest orgasm. Their sexual revolution, however, causes a class war in their tiny Baltimore community.

Moomins and the Winter Wonderland

This winter is extraordinary; Moomintroll decides to stay awake to explore the winter instead of hibernating as usually. And winters are certainly totally different than he had imagined. Strangest creatures wander amidst the snowdrifts; midwinter darkness surrounds the Moominvalley, and on top of that, an eccentric guest is soon to appear. This guest requires many measures, and is called Christmas, Hemulen tells to a surprised Moomintroll.

Robbie the Reindeer: Hooves of Fire

Robbie the Reindeer arrives at the North Pole, ready to take his place as navigator on Santa's Christmas sleigh team. However, Robbie is soon plagued by doubt regarding his ability, and sets out to regain his self-respect and the admiration of his team-mates.

Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town

A postman, S.D. Kluger, decides to answer some of the most common questions about Santa Claus, and tells us about a baby named Kris who is raised by a family of elf toymakers named Kringle. When Kris grows up, he wants to deliver toys to the children of Sombertown. But its Mayor is too mean to let that happen. And to make things worse, the Winter Warlock lives between the Kringles and Sombertown.

Brideshead Revisited

Artist Charles Ryder runs into aristocrat Julia Flyte and recalls his friendship with her eccentric family prior to the outbreak of the Second World War. Based on the classic British novel by Evelyn Waugh.

Without a Clue

Sherlock Holmes is as dashing as ever, but with a little secret: Dr. Watson is the brains behind the operation. When Reginald Kincaid, the actor he has hired to play Holmes becomes insufferable, Watson fires him and tries to go out on his own, but finds that he has done too good a job building Holmes up in the public's mind.

Dalecarlians

Mia returns from Stockholm to her parents' home in a small town in Dalecarlia (Dalarna) to celebrate her father's 70th birthday. Her elder sisters Eivor and Gunilla welcome her, but their different lifestyles prevent them from really communicating. The tension builds, and the party that should be a celebration turns out to be a turning point for the family and their friends

Hamlet 2

Failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher Dana Marschz rallies his Tucson students as he conceives and stages politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.

The Mouse That Roared

The Duchy of Grand Fenwick decides that the only way to get out of their economic woes is to declare war on the United States, lose and accept foreign aid. They send an invasion force (in chain mail, armed with bows and arrows) to New York and they arrive during a nuclear drill that has cleared the streets.

Repo Man

A down and out young punk gets a job working with a seasoned repo man, but what awaits him in his new career is a series of outlandish adventures revolving around aliens, the CIA, and a most wanted '64 Chevy.

Office Space

A depressed white-collar worker tries hypnotherapy, only to find himself in a perpetual state of devil-may-care bliss that prompts him to start living by his own rules, and hatch a hapless attempt to embezzle money from his soul-killing employers.

Scary Movie

A familiar-looking group of teenagers find themselves being stalked by a more-than-vaguely recognizable masked killer! As the victims begin to pile up and the laughs pile on, none of your favorite scary movies escape the razor-sharp satire of this outrageously funny parody!

Eat the Rich

Alex is a disgruntled waiter at a snobby exclusive restaurant who falls on hard times. Forced to deal with the contempt and disgust of the upper class, Alex & cohorts attempt to go on a rampage. Meanwhile, General Karprov and Spider plot to involve the inept anarchists into their plans to derail the prime-minister-to-be's campaign.

D'Unbelievables D'Telly

Irish Comedy Starring Jon Kenny & Pat Shortt

American Heart

An ex-convict is tracked down by his estranged teenage son, and the pair try to build a relationship and life together in Seattle.

You Kill Me

While drying out on the West Coast, an alcoholic hit man befriends a tart-tongued woman who might just come in handy when it's time for him to return to Buffalo and settle some old scores.

The Holy Mountain

The Alchemist assembles together a group of people from all walks of life to represent the planets in the solar system. The occult adept's intention is to put his recruits through strange mystical rites and divest them of their worldly baggage before embarking on a trip to Lotus Island. There they ascend the Holy Mountain to displace the immortal gods who secretly rule the universe.

The Gate

Three young children accidentally release a horde of nasty, pint-sized demons from a hole in a suburban backyard. What follows is a classic battle between good and evil as the three kids struggle to overcome a nightmarish hell that is literally taking over the Earth.

The We Should Game

Fame driven Ken Dean becomes the subject of a documentary when he attempts to start a pornography company. Following the failure of the company, Ken uses his father's religious music to start a Christian rock band but finds himself trapped in a gay conversion cult.

A Christmas Tale

When their regal matriarch falls ill, the troubled Vuillard family come together for a hesitant Christmastime reunion. Among them is rebellious ne'er-do-well Henri and the uptight Elizabeth. Together under the same roof for the first time in many years, their intricate, long denied resentments and yearnings emerge again.

Bringing Out the Dead

Once called "Father Frank" for his efforts to rescue lives, Frank Pierce sees the ghosts of those he failed to save around every turn. He has tried everything he can to get fired, calling in sick, delaying taking calls where he might have to face one more victim he couldn't help, yet cannot quit the job on his own.

Fido

Timmy Robinson's best friend in the whole wide world is a six-foot tall rotting zombie named Fido. But when Fido eats the next-door neighbor, Mom and Dad hit the roof, and Timmy has to go to the ends of the earth to keep Fido a part of the family. A boy-and-his-dog movie for grown ups, "Fido" will rip your heart out.

This Is Spinal Tap

"This Is Spinal Tap" shines a light on the self-contained universe of a metal band struggling to get back on the charts, including everything from its complicated history of ups and downs, gold albums, name changes and undersold concert dates, along with the full host of requisite groupies, promoters, hangers-on and historians, sessions, release events and those special behind-the-scenes moments that keep it all real.

Isn't It Romantic

For a long time, Natalie, an Australian architect living in New York City, had always believed that what she had seen in rom-coms is all fantasy. But after thwarting a mugger at a subway station only to be knocked out while fleeing, Natalie wakes up and discovers that her life has suddenly become her worst nightmare—a romantic comedy—and she is the leading lady.

Undercover Brother

An Afro-American organization, the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D., is in permanent fight against a white organization "The Man" defending the values of the black people in North America. When the Afro-American candidate Gen. Warren Boutwell behaves strangely in his presidential campaign, Undercover Brother is hired to work undercover for "The Man" and find what happened with the potential candidate.

The Four Musketeers

The Four Musketeers defend the queen and her dressmaker from Cardinal Richelieu and Milady de Winter.

1941

In the days after the attack on Pearl Harbor, panic grips California, where a military officer leads a mob chasing a Japanese sub.

Jason and the Argonauts

Jason, a fearless sailor and explorer, returns to his home land of Thessaly after a long voyage to claim his rightful throne. He learns, however, that he must first find the magical Golden Fleece. To do so, he must embark on an epic quest fraught with fantastic monsters and terrible perils.

Rumours

En route to the annual G7 summit, the seven leaders of the world’s wealthiest liberal democracies get lost in the woods and face increasing peril while attempting to draft a provisional statement regarding a global crisis.

Tommy

After a series of traumatic childhood events, a psychosomatically deaf, dumb and blind boy becomes a master pinball player and the object of a religious cult.

Not Another Teen Movie

On a bet, a gridiron hero at John Hughes High School sets out to turn a bespectacled plain Jane into a beautiful and popular prom queen in this outrageous send-up of the teen movies of the 1980s and '90s.

Dolores Claiborne

Dolores Claiborne was accused of killing her abusive husband twenty years ago, but the court's findings were inconclusive and she was allowed to walk free. Now she has been accused of killing her employer, Vera Donovan, and this time there is a witness who can place her at the scene of the crime. Things look bad for Dolores when her daughter Selena, a successful Manhattan magazine writer, returns to cover the story.

Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger

Princess Farah refuses to marry Sinbad until Prince Kassim, her brother, is able to give his consent. However, the Prince's wicked stepmother, Queen Zenobia, has changed Kassim into a baboon in order to have her own son crowned as caliph. Sinbad, his crew, the Princess and the transformed Prince travel to a distant land, fighting every obstacle Zenobia places in their path, to seek the advice of a legendary wise man who can possibly tell how to end the spell.

UHF

The eccentric new manager of a UHF television channel tries to save the station from financial ruin with an odd array of programming.