Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears (1980)

Don Camillo in Moscow

Priest Don Camillo blackmails his friendly rival Peppone into letting him join a Communist delegation visiting the Soviet Union.

Moscow Mission

Tough Chinese detectives go on a mission to Moscow to hunt down ruthless robbers who have been plaguing the trans-Siberian railway with violence and chaos.

Tycoon

During the Gorbachev years, Platon Makovski and his four buddies are university students who jump on the private capitalism movement. Fast-forward 20 years, Platon finds himself the richest man in Russia, having sacrificed his friends to get to the top. But with this cynical rise, comes a brutal fall.

Vacations in Prostokvashino

The continuation of the adventures of Fyodor and his friends from the Prostokvashino village.

Without Witness

In visiting his ex-wife’s apartment a man learns that she plans to remarry a scientist named Valentin Shlyakhov. In his past, the man wrote a scathing letter about Shlyakhov which greatly impacted his career. Fearing that this information will come to light when his ex-wife marries Shlyakhov, the man insists that the wedding be called off. What follows is an intimate portrayal of the relationship between a man and a woman (who are never named), whose history as husband and wife plays out during a heated conversation.

Did We Meet Somewhere Before

Maximov and his wife Larisa Levkoyeva going to vacation, but in last minutes Levkoyeva were called back to theater. And Maximov goes all alone to the Crimea on the train. On the one of station he miss his train and must check the city and make a concert to reach the point of destination. But he is so popular that people just didn't let him rest like he want...

I Cannot Say 'Farewell'

A dramatic story about love, infidelity and betrayal...

Air Crew

Story of the lives of three Soviet pilots who are united by disaster in a small town in the mountains.

Lines of Wellington

Passionate romance, brutal treachery, and selfless nobility are set against the background of Napoleon’s 1810 invasion of Portugal.

Paranormal Xperience

In 2011, five Medical students investigated an abandoned mining town in search of paranormal evidence... They found them.

Station for Two

Platon Ryabinin, a pianist, is traveling by train to a distant town of Griboedov to visit his father. He gets off to have lunch during a twenty minute stop at Zastupinsk railway station. He meets Vera, a waitress, after he refuses to pay her for the disgusting food he doesn't even touch and misses his train due to police investigation of the incident. His passport is then accidentally taken away from him by Andrei, Vera's fiancé, and his money is stolen as he waits for the next train to Griboedov. Vera learns that Platon is about to get sentenced and sent to prison in the Far East for a car accident he isn't guilty for. During the few days that Platon has to spend in Zastupinsk he and Vera develop feelings for each other...

The Red Snowball Tree

A thief named Egor, having served a term in prison, goes to the country to meet his pen-friend Lyuba, a kind genial village woman. Egor comes to love Lyuba sincerely. Now he has friends, work and a beloved woman, he decides to break with his criminal past and start a new life. However, his former criminal associates interfere brutally.

Lucky Trouble

Who said you have to win to be a champion? Slava Kolotiloff, a schoolteacher from a sleepy seaside town by the name of "Fingers" comes to conquer Moscow with the manuscript to his first novel in hand. But instead, quite by accident, he conquers the heart of a beauty named Nadia (Milla Jovovich). As their wedding approaches, Slava needs only to quit his job and tie up loose ends back in "Fingers" before returning to Moscow to start a new life with his new bride. But due to a number of bizarre circumstances he is unable to leave and back in the big city, the wedding goes on regardless as Nadia has to fend off the attentions of her ex-boyfriend Danya, who seems ready to do whatever it takes to win her back.

Moscow

Moscow, the 90s ... A city without a past and without a future. A city that doesn't forgive mistakes. Showing Moscow bohemia, the criminal business: nightlife, easy money, excitement and confusion form the surface of this life. The main characters of the film are businessman Mike and his friend and partner in smuggling Lev, a psychiatrist Mark and his school friend Irina who became the mistress of a nightclub, her two daughters - a crazy Olga working in the same club as a singer, and Masha - the “Moscow Princess” on the threshold of her thirtieth birthday. Love stories smoothly flow into a crime drama.

The Irony of Fate. The Sequel

Zhenya and Nadya go their separate ways. Nadya stuck with her bureaucrat boyfriend, married him and had a daughter, also called Nadya. Zhenya married and had a son, Konstantin. Both later divorced. More than 30 years later, Konstantin ends up drunk in the flat where the younger Nadya finds him. He is there as part of a convoluted ruse by his father's friends to get Zhenya back into the arms of the woman with whom he shared a magical night. The waylaid son is the bait to get Zhenya back to Leningrad, now called St. Petersburg. One romance is rekindled and another between the son and daughter is struck up.

Ragtime

A young black pianist becomes embroiled in the lives of an upper-class white family set among the racial tensions, infidelity, violence, and other nostalgic events in early 1900s New York City.

The Very Same Munchhausen

A philosophical and poetic portrait of the famous (or maybe infamous?) Baron Munchhausen. His crazy, yet very merriment, stories, views and behavior is what sets him apart from others. He becomes alienated from the society that failed to grasp his brilliance. In fact, his brilliance is what underlines the faults with the society itself. It's a beautiful yet tragic story that is filled with dense and intellectual dialogue.

Amphibian Man

People living at a seashore town are frightened by reports of an unknown creature called "the sea devil". Nobody knows what it is, but it's really the son of doctor Salvator. The doctor performed surgery on his son and now young Ichtiander can live under water. This gives him certain advantages, but also creates a lot of problems.

Notre Dame

Maud is an architect and a mother. Due to a misunderstanding, she wins the competition to refurbish the parvis of Notre-Dame. Torn between these responsibilities and love issues, she will go through an emotional storm.

Kissing Jessica Stein

Jessica, a Jewish copy editor living and working in New York City, is plagued by failed blind dates with men, and decides to answer a newspaper's personal advertisement. The advertisement has been placed by 'lesbian-curious' Helen Cooper, a thirtysomething art gallerist.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson: Acquaintance

Dr. Watson, who served in the English armed forces and was in the Afghan war, retires and returns to his homeland, in England. Since the financial situation of the doctor is very precarious, his long-time friend Mr. Stamford offers him to rent a room in the house at 221-B Baker Street, which is rented by an elderly lady - Mrs. Hudson. The second rented room is already occupied by another gentleman - the mysterious Mr. Sherlock Holmes. Holmes makes an ambiguous impression on Watson. He conducts complex chemical experiments with blood, plays the violin, has the deepest knowledge about cigar ash, London dirt and criminal law, but at the same time demonstrates complete ignorance of well-known truths (for example, the fact that the Earth revolves around the Sun), does not read fiction, as well as books on history and philosophy. At the same time, very strange visitors constantly come to Holmes, and on the table he has portraits of personalities of a disgusting appearance.

Police Academy: Mission to Moscow

The Russians seek help in dealing with the Mafia from the veterans of the Police Academy. They head off to Moscow, in order to find evidence against Konstantin Konali, who marketed a computer game that everyone in the world is playing.

Hedgehog in the Fog

A little hedgehog, on the way to visit his friend the bear, gets lost in thick fog, where horses, dogs and even falling leaves take on a terrifying new aspect...

The World According to Garp

A struggling young writer finds his life and work dominated by his unfaithful wife and his radical feminist mother, whose best-selling manifesto turns her into a cultural icon.

The Color of Pomegranates

The life of the revered 18th-century Armenian poet and musician Sayat-Nova. Portraying events in the life of the artist from childhood up to his death, the movie addresses in particular his relationships with women, including his muse. The production tells Sayat-Nova's dramatic story by using both his poems and largely still camerawork, creating a work hailed as revolutionary by Mikhail Vartanov.

Office Romance

Anatoly Novoseltsev is a mousy single father and office stumblebum working at a statistics bureau in Moscow. In the hopes of being promoted, he is coaxed into charming his disagreeable and seemingly unfeeling boss, Ludmila Kalugina, or "Meany" as she's otherwise known by her subordinates. Helped by his colleagues Olya and Yura, Anatoly attempts to ease the yoke of Ms. Kalugina, and what follows in the wake of his graceless manoeuvres is completely unforeseen, as he awakens a side to her not yet known, even to herself..

The True Cost

Film from Andrew Morgan. The True Cost is a documentary film exploring the impact of fashion on people and the planet.

Brother 2

Arriving in Moscow, Chechen War veteran Danila meets Konstantin, an old friend who tells him that his twin brother has been forced into signing a crooked contract with a US ice hockey team. Soon after this meeting, Danila discovers Konstantin dead and he sets out to avenge his death; a journey that leads him to Chicago and a whole new experience.

Unaccompanied Minors

Five disparate kids snowed in at the airport on Christmas Eve learn some lessons about friendship when they launch a bid to get back to their families and outsmart a disgruntled airport official who wants to keep them grounded.

Dersu Uzala

A military explorer meets and befriends a Goldi man in Russia’s unmapped forests. A deep and abiding bond evolves between the two men, one civilized in the usual sense, the other at home in the glacial Siberian woods.

Two Women

A young widow flees from Rome during WWII and takes her lonely twelve-year-old-daughter to her rural hometown but the horrors of war soon catch up with them.

Funny Face

A shy Greenwich Village book clerk is discovered by a fashion photographer and whisked off to Paris where she becomes a reluctant model.

Hysteria

Two doctors in Victorian England use manual stimulation of female genitalia to cure their patients' ills, leading to the invention of the vibrator.

Gone

Jill Conway is trying to rebuild her life after surviving a terrifying kidnapping attempt. Though she is having a difficult time, she takes small steps toward normalcy by starting a new job and inviting her sister, Molly, to move in with her. Returning home from work one morning, Jill discovers that Molly has vanished, and she is certain that the same man who previously abducted her has returned for revenge.

Dangal

Dangal is an extraordinary true story based on the life of Mahavir Singh and his two daughters, Geeta and Babita Phogat. The film traces the inspirational journey of a father who trains his daughters to become world class wrestlers.

Asterix & Obelix Take on Caesar

Set in 50 B.C., Asterix and Obelix are living in a small but well-protected village in Gaul, where a magic potion concocted by Druids turns the townsfolk into mighty soldiers. When Roman troops carve a path through Gaul to reach the English Channel, Caesar and his aide de camp Detritus discover the secret elixir and capture the Druid leader who knows its formula, and Asterix and Obelix are sent off to rescue them.

Friends: The Reunion

The cast of Friends reunites for a once-in-a-lifetime celebration of the hit series, an unforgettable evening filled with iconic memories, uncontrollable laughter, happy tears, and special guests.

You I Love

Vera and Tim are successful young professionals. Everything changes one night when Tim hits a young Kalmyk immigrant to Moscow, Uloomji, with his car. The two men begin a affair while Vera struggles to comprehend their bond and her boyfriend's erratic behavior. She is dragged reluctantly into a love triangle.

The Happiness Effect

Lea, 21, is being diagnosed with leukemia. Having no time left she starts appreciating every hour, seeing beauty where she's never seen before. Hoping she could change the world, Lea makes a video project aiming to give her contribution to living by creating a viral happiness effect.

Mimino

Georgian bush pilot Valentin (Valiko) Mizandari a.k.a. Mimino works at small local airlines, flying helicopters between small villages. But he dreams of piloting large international airlines aircrafts, so he goes to Moscow for refresher courses. There in a hotel he meets truck driver Robik who is given a place in that hotel by mistake, and they have a lot of adventures in Moscow. Always amicable and open to people, Mimino does not feel at home in the big city. Nevertheless, he becomes a pilot of a supersonic jet liner, the Tupolev Tu-144, flying all over the world. But feeling homesick, he finally comes back to his native town of Telavi in Georgia, to his family and friends.

Liza, Liza, Skies Are Grey

A teenage girl and her boyfriend set off on an eventful road trip up the coast of California hoping to figure out the meaning of love and life.

B-Day!

After celebrating his best friend birthday Anton has a terrible headache, doesn't remember anything and in addition must destroy some videos which can seriously compromise Anton's relationship with his girlfriend.

Elections Day

The employees of a radio station in Moscow are forced to organize the elections campaign for a future governor in one of Russia districts.

Pu-239

A worker at a Russian nuclear facility gets exposed to a lethal dose of radiation. In order to provide for his family, he steals some plutonium and sets out to sell it on Moscow's black market with the help of an incompetent criminal.

Fögi Is a Bastard

15-year-old Beni falls in love with Fögi, a singer in a Rock band. As Fögi seduces him, he is only willing to follow him where ever Fögi wants to. But Fögi is a drug addict and pulls Beni deeper and deeper into the hell of drug addiction.

The Man Who Cried

A young refugee travels from Russia to America in search of her lost father and falls in love with a gypsy horseman.

Pollyanna

A young girl comes to an embittered town and confronts its attitude with her determination to see the best in life.

She's All That

High school hotshot Zach Siler is the envy of his peers. But his popularity declines sharply when his cheerleader girlfriend, Taylor, leaves him for sleazy reality-television star Brock Hudson. Desperate to revive his fading reputation, Siler agrees to a seemingly impossible challenge. He has six weeks to gain the trust of nerdy outcast Laney Boggs -- and help her to become the school's next prom queen.

The Twelve Chairs

In 1920s Soviet Russia, a fallen aristocrat, a priest and a con artist search for a treasure of jewels hidden inside one of twelve dining chairs, lost during the revolution.

Moscow on the Hudson

A Russian circus visits the US. A clown wants to defect, but doesn't have the nerve. His saxophone playing friend however comes to the decision to defect in the middle of Bloomingdales. He is befriended by the black security guard and falls in love with the Italian immigrant from behind the perfume counter. We follow his life as he works his way through the American dream and tries to find work as a musician.

Ivan Vasilyevich Changes His Profession

A scientist builds a time machine and accidentally sends his apartment complex manager and a petty burglar to 16th century Moscow, while Tsar Ivan the Terrible travels to 1973.

A Little Romance

Intellectually precocious teenager Lauren King lives in Paris with her somewhat ditzy mother. On a movie set, she strikes up a friendship with teenage film buff Daniel Michon. After Lauren's mother forbids her to date the outspoken Daniel, the young lovebirds team up with eccentric pickpocket Julius to run away to Venice, where, according to legend, a couple who kiss under the Bridge of Sighs will stay together forever.

Operation Y and Other Shurik's Adventures

The film consists of three independent parts: "Workmate", "Déjà vu" and "Operation Y". The plot follows the adventures of Shurik (alternative spelling — Shourick), the naive and nerdy Soviet student who often gets into ludicrous situations but always finds a way out very neatly. "Operation Y and Shurik's Other Adventures" was a hit movie and became the leader of Soviet film distribution in 1965.

Crime and Punishment

A man is haunted by a murder he's committed.

Flipped

When Juli meets Bryce in the second grade, she knows it's true love. After spending six years trying to convince Bryce the same, she's ready to give up - until he starts to reconsider.

Invasion, U.S.A.

A group of American witness the deadly invasion of the United States by the Soviet Union.

1991

Do you remember your first trip? Not the one you made at 5 years old with your parents to the East Coast of the United States. I mean the first time you traveled alone!? The great adventure. In 1991, I was a 21-years-old student. I went to Europe. Not because I wanted to visit all the great capitals, but because I wanted love... I wanted Marie-Ève Bernard.

The Return

The relationships among two pre-pubescent brothers and their estranged father are tested on a trip into the Russian wilderness.

Moscow, Belgium

‘Moscou’ is a densely populated working class neighbourhood on the outskirts of Ghent, Belgium. Matty, mother of three, bumps her car into a truck on the parking lot of a supermarket. Johnny climbs down from the cabin. He is infuriated by the dent in his front bumper and yells at Matty. Although impressed by the accident, Matty fights back with sharp words. Their discussion turns into a row, and the police have to intervene. Matty goes home, the trunk of her car dancing up and down. Back in her apartment, Matty takes a hot bath to recover from the afternoon’s emotionswhen the phone rings. It’s Johnny, apologizing for his behaviour on the parking lot. Matty tells him to stay out of her life. A dramatic comedy begins about a woman whose soul is full of dents and bruises.

All Good Things

Road trips usually signify a beginning but for Isaac and his partner Levi, this is their last chance to spend time together before they part ways. As they drive closer to their destination, Isaac finds that maybe he isn't as prepared for his first breakup as he had thought.

Monster Family

The Wishbone family are far from happy. In an attempt to reconnect as a family, they plan a fun night out. However, the plan backfires when they are cursed and all turned into Monsters.

Mamma Mia!

A spirited young bride-to-be living with her single mother on a small Greek island secretly invites three of her mother's ex-boyfriends in hope of finding her biological father to walk her down the aisle.

A Tale of Love and Desire

Ahmed, 18, is French of Algerian origin. He grew up in the Parisian suburbs. On the benches of the university, he meets Farah, a young Tunisian full of energy recently arrived from Tunis. While discovering a body of sensual and erotic Arabic literature that he never knew existed, Ahmed falls deeply in love with this girl, and although literally overwhelmed by desire, he will try to resist it.

The Saint

Simon Templar (The Saint), is a thief for hire, whose latest job to steal the secret process for cold fusion puts him at odds with a traitor bent on toppling the Russian government, as well as the woman who holds its secret.

Within

In a Asian desert, a team of explorers learn of a newly discovered cave system and set out to explore it. However as soon as they begin the descent, it becomes clear that this was a secret that should have remained below the surface.

Alexander Nevsky

When German knights invade Russia, Prince Alexander Nevsky must rally his people to resist the formidable force. After the Teutonic soldiers take over an eastern Russian city, Alexander stages his stand at Novgorod, where a major battle is fought on the ice of frozen Lake Chudskoe. While Alexander leads his outnumbered troops, two of their number, Vasili and Gavrilo, begin a contest of bravery to win the hand of a local maiden.

Get Smart

When members of the nefarious crime syndicate KAOS attack the U.S. spy agency Control and the identities of secret agents are compromised, the Chief has to promote hapless but eager analyst Maxwell Smart to field agent. He is partnered with veteran and capable Agent 99, the only spy whose cover remains intact. Can they work together to thwart the evil world-domination plans of KAOS and its crafty operative?

Love and Death

In czarist Russia, a neurotic soldier and his distant cousin formulate a plot to assassinate Napoleon.

War and Peace

The love story of young Countess Natasha Rostova and Count Pierre Bezukhov is interwoven with the Great Patriotic War of 1812 against Napoleon's invading army.

Edge of Seventeen

1984, Sandusky, Ohio. A naive 17-year-old navigates heartbreak and self-expression as he explores his sexuality.

Checkpoint

A group Russian soldiers is send to an outpost to guard the area. They pass the day patroulling the area, while being shot at from the forest. They never know if the civillions are hostile or friendly to them.

Sorceress

A young woman raised in the US returns to her birth country in Eastern Europe after a devastating tragedy. Questioning her sanity and her sexuality, she starts believing she possesses supernatural powers.

An American Tail

A young mouse named Fievel and his family decide to migrate to America, a "land without cats," at the turn of the 20th century. But somehow, Fievel ends up in the New World alone and must fend off not only the felines he never thought he'd have to deal with again but also the loneliness of being away from home.

The Inspector-General

Vlasta Burian appears in a town of Czarist Russia impersonating an Inspector General, and he is entertained lavishly by the local political-hacks and peasants seeking his favor for whatever they are advocating or need fixed. Burain is involved in a series of comical situations as he takes everything he can gets his hands on while the peasants, who must plead for the betterment of their conditions, are left on the outside-looking-in. He makes his escape just as the real Inspector General is set to appear, but those-in-need will be no better off when the real McCoy shows up then they were with Burian.

Superfluous

Young farmer Mikajlo while on youth labour action falls in love with a student Nada and infatuated with her, he leaves the peasant brigade and Malena, a girl who as if she were overabundant, followed him to work the labour action. Mikajlo's courtship of Nada provokes laughter and ridicule, so ambitious 'Don Juan' returns to his brigade and the girl.

Erbsen auf halb 6

It all starts with a bang. The car breaks through the crash barrier and falls off the bridge. The lights go out. After that, he is not able to see anymore. His optic nerve is severed, from now on the young stage-director Jakob is blind. His life will change and nothing will ever be the same. Jakob cannot handle the idea of never being able to see again and screams at the only woman who is able and willing to help him, Lily. A rehabilitation teacher, she helps the blind deal with the darkness. Lily has been living with it since birth, she too is blind.

Teheran '43

This story starts in 1980 in Paris as the memories of Andrei Borodin, a Soviet agent, take the action back to 1943 during the Teheran meetings of Stalin, Roosevelt and Churchill. A high-ranking Nazi officer developed a plan to assassinate the three world leaders in order to undermine the Allied forces. He commissioned the German agent Max Richard to carry out his plan, but it failed miserably due to the quick action and thinking of Andrei. While in Teheran, Andrei met a French woman, Marie Louni, living in the city and they had a brief but intense affair. Nearly four decades later, the Nazi officer has been captured - but not for long. Freed by terrorists, the officer is hunting down the German agent who failed to carry out the planned assassinations. Max lives at Françoise, a young French woman, who hides him.

Slam

Samuele is 16 and has a passion for skateboarding. He has big dreams: going to university, move to California, and travel, but things change when he meets Alice, who could be the girl of his life.

Crimson Tide

After the Cold War, a breakaway Russian republic with nuclear warheads becomes a possible worldwide threat. U.S. submarine Capt. Frank Ramsey signs on a relatively green but highly recommended Lt. Cmdr. Ron Hunter to the USS Alabama, which may be the only ship able to stop a possible Armageddon. When Ramsey insists that the Alabama must act aggressively, Hunter, fearing they will start rather than stop a disaster, leads a potential mutiny to stop him.

Europa Europa

A Jewish boy separated from his family in the early days of WWII poses as a German orphan and is taken into the heart of the Nazi world as a 'war hero' and eventually becomes a Hitler Youth.

The Russia House

Barley Scott Blair, a Lisbon-based editor of Russian literature who unexpectedly begins working for British intelligence, is commissioned to investigate the purposes of Dante, a dissident scientist trapped in the decaying Soviet Union that is crumbling under the new open-minded policies.

The Steppe

Based on a Anton Chekhov short story, this slight tale has some good moments as the drama of a young boy's journey unfolds. The lad comes from peasant stock, and one day his family decides it would be best for him to go live with his uncle in the city. The only problem is that the city is all the way across the Russian steppes, and at this time in history, that arduous journey could only be undertaken by horse and carriage. Reminiscent of the American pioneer wagon trains heading West, the tale lacks any attacks from hostile forces but is filled with charming vignettes. In one part of the journey, the boy comes across some fishermen along a river, harpooning their catch for the day. In another segment, he is entertained when some folk dancers do a lively show. But in general, it is too long and unmomentous a journey to hold attention well for nearly two hours.

The Red Tent

Torn by personal guilt, Italian General Umberto Nobile reminisces about his 1928 failed Arctic expedition aboard the airship Italia.

Gorky Park

Police Inspector Renko tries to solve the case of three bodies found in Moscow's Gorky Park but finds his attempts to solve the crime impeded by his superiors. Working on his own, Renko seeks out more information and stumbles across a conspiracy involving the highest levels of the government.

Worlds Apart

17-year-old Sara leads a sheltered existence with her family, members of Jehovah’s Witnesses, when she meets the outsider Teis and falls in love. Sara, herself a believer, now faces an important turning point in her life as she is forced to choose between religion and love.

Final Assignment

An intrepid television journalist sent to cover the Canadian prime minister's visit to the Soviet Union has trouble sticking to her assignment when she unearths a horrific experimental drug trial involving children. Determined to prepare a video that will show the world exactly what's been going on, she dodges the long arm of the KGB and falls into bed with a Communist bureaucrat.

Chicken Strips: The Trials and Tribulations of Becoming a Garage Band

When childhood best friends, Kyle, Steven, and Ruben are forced to perform in a music festival, conflicting priorities and visitors from the boys' past push their friendship to the breaking point.

Striaght Ahead

"Bob" finds himself in “the zone“ by chance. At first - as a guard. But life in the zone on both sides of the bars is extremely dreary. So "Bob" and his friends drown out the boredom with vodka and local booze, continuing with riots and fights. But at one point, such lawlessness pisses off the chief, and "Bob" is sent to serve his sentence for the brig. And he must be escorted by... by his best drinking buddy "Fidel". For twenty-four hours former colleagues get to the place of detention. But to get to the brig "Bob" is not destined....

Bigga Than Ben

Spiker & Cobakka are two self-confessed 'pieces of Moscow scum' who come to London to rip it off. This is their guide.

Russian Ark

A ghost and a French marquis wander through the Winter Palace in St Petersburg, encountering scenes from many different periods of its history.

Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning

Star Wreck: In the Pirkinning begins with Captain James B. Pirk of the starship Kickstart shipwrecked on the 21st century Earth with his crew. Originally from the distant future, Pirk and his crew traveled back in time to save the Earth from hostile aliens, but lost their ship and became stranded. Pirk's daily routine consists mainly of stuffing his face at the local fast food restaurant, and he is finding it difficult to convince the ladies he is, in fact, an intergalactic space hero from the future. As the prospects for humanity's conquest of space look increasingly bleaker, Pirk comes up with a questionable plan to save mankind's future...