The Onion Movie (2008)

The Hound of the Baskervilles

Sir Charles Baskerville dies on the moor under mysterious circumstances and rumors abound about a demonic hound. When the American heir arrives to take charge, a family friend calls in Holmes and Watson to get to the heart of the mystery.

The Union: The Business Behind Getting High

Filmmaker Adam Scorgie explores the illegal marijuana industry in British Columbia, revealing how the international business is most likely more profitable than it would be if it was lawful in this enlightening documentary. Marijuana growers, law enforcement officials, physicians, politicians, criminologists, economists and celebrities—including comedian Tommy Chong—shed light on this topical subject in a series of compelling interviews.

The Guardian Brothers

There's a crisis in the Chinese Spirit World -- humans don't believe in gods anymore! A Door God, facing unemployment, ventures into the human world to prove his worth, leading to unexpected encounters and transformations for humans and spirits alike.

King's Game

Starting a new job as a political journalist at a leading newspaper, Ulrik Torp witnesses a brutal struggle for power in the Midparty's ranks -- a struggle that coincides with the charismatic party leader's involvement in a near fatal car accident. A flurry of lies and media speculation surrounds the incident. Gradually, Ulrik unearths a ruthless conspiracy involving the incumbent prime minister.

The Paloni Show! Halloween Special!

Leroy, Reggie and Cheruce Paloni host a Halloween special full of spooky shorts from a group of up-and-coming animators.

Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove

A group of friends unleash a demonic Pirate from a treasure chest.

Tomb of the Werewolf

A reality TV crew visits Castle Daninsky to search for a hidden treasure in the dungeons. Instead of finding treasure, they unearth a tomb and unleash a cursed servant.

The Train

As the Allied forces approach Paris in August 1944, German Colonel Von Waldheim is desperate to take all of France's greatest paintings to Germany. He manages to secure a train to transport the valuable art works even as the chaos of retreat descends upon them. The French resistance however wants to stop them from stealing their national treasures but have received orders from London that they are not to be destroyed. The station master, Labiche, is tasked with scheduling the train and making it all happen smoothly but he is also part of a dwindling group of resistance fighters tasked with preventing the theft. He and others stage an elaborate ruse to keep the train from ever leaving French territory.

Wolf Warrior 2

China's deadliest special forces operative settles into a quiet life on the sea. When sadistic mercenaries begin targeting nearby civilians, he must leave his newfound peace behind and return to his duties as a soldier and protector.

The Inbetweeners Movie

High school graduation just wouldn’t be complete without an un-chaperoned, uninhibited and unforgettable final holiday. At least that’s what Will, Jay, Simon and Neil think when they book a two-week stay on an exotic Greek island. As their dreams of sun-drenched days and booze-filled nights are left hopelessly unfulfilled, the lads fight their way into the party scene with hilariously humiliating results.

Don't Hang Up

An evening of drunken prank calls becomes a nightmare for a pair of teenagers when a mysterious stranger turns their own game against them.

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar

Manhattan drag queens Vida Boheme and Noxeema Jackson impress regional judges in competition, securing berths in the Nationals in Los Angeles. When the two meet pathetic drag novice Chi-Chi Rodriguez — one of the losers that evening — the charmed Vida and Noxeema agree to take the hopeless youngster under their joined wing. Soon the three set off on a madcap road trip across America and struggle to make it to Los Angeles in time.

The Stanford Prison Experiment

In 1971, Stanford's Professor Philip Zimbardo conducts a controversial psychology experiment in which college students pretend to be either prisoners or guards, but the proceedings soon get out of hand. Based on a true story.

Top Secret!

Popular and dashing American singer Nick Rivers travels to East Germany to perform in a music festival. When he loses his heart to the gorgeous Hillary Flammond, he finds himself caught up in an underground resistance movement. Rivers joins forces with Agent Cedric and Flammond to attempt the rescue of her father, Dr. Paul, from the Germans, who have captured the scientist in hopes of coercing him into building a new naval mine.

Jackass: The Movie

Johnny Knoxville and his band of maniacs perform a variety of stunts and gross-out gags on the big screen for the first time. They wander around Japan in panda outfits, wreak havoc on a once civilized golf course, they even do stunts involving LIVE alligators, and so on.

Blue Streak

Miles Logan is a jewel thief who just hit the big time by stealing a huge diamond. However, after two years in jail, he comes to find out that he hid the diamond in a police building that was being built at the time of the robbery. In an attempt to regain his diamond, he poses as an LAPD detective.

The Apprentice

A young Donald Trump, eager to make his name as a hungry scion of a wealthy family in 1970s New York, comes under the spell of Roy Cohn, the cutthroat attorney who would help create the Donald Trump we know today. Cohn sees in Trump the perfect protégé—someone with raw ambition, a hunger for success, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to win.

Suburbicon

In the quiet family town of Suburbicon during the 1950s, the best and worst of humanity is hilariously reflected through the deeds of seemingly ordinary people. When a home invasion turns deadly, a picture-perfect family turns to blackmail, revenge and murder.

Imagine Me & You

During her wedding ceremony, Rachel notices Luce in the audience and feels instantly drawn to her. The two women become close friends, and when Rachel learns that Luce is a lesbian, she realizes that despite her happy marriage to Heck, she is falling for Luce. As she questions her sexual orientation, Rachel must decide between her stable relationship with Heck and her exhilarating new romance with Luce.

Dogtooth

Three teenagers are confined to an isolated country estate that could very well be on another planet. The trio spend their days listening to endless homemade tapes that teach them a whole new vocabulary. Any word that comes from beyond their family abode is instantly assigned a new meaning. Hence 'the sea' refers to a large armchair and 'zombies' are little yellow flowers. Having invented a brother whom they claim to have ostracized for his disobedience, the uber-controlling parents terrorize their offspring into submission.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

An Israeli counterterrorism soldier with a secretly fabulous ambition to become a Manhattan hairstylist. Zohan's desire runs so deep that he'll do anything -- including faking his own death and going head-to-head with an Arab cab driver -- to make his dreams come true.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

On an isolated island in Brittany at the end of the eighteenth century, a female painter is obliged to paint a wedding portrait of a young woman.

Blue Is the Warmest Color

Adèle's life is changed when she meets Emma, a young woman with blue hair, who will allow her to discover desire, to assert herself as a woman and as an adult. In front of others, Adele grows, seeks herself, loses herself, finds herself.

The Mule

Earl Stone, a man in his eighties, is broke, alone, and facing foreclosure of his business when he is offered a job that simply requires him to drive. Easy enough, but, unbeknownst to Earl, he's just signed on as a drug courier for a Mexican cartel. He does so well that his cargo increases exponentially, and Earl hit the radar of hard-charging DEA agent Colin Bates.

Sausage Party

Hot dog Frank leads a group of supermarket products on a quest to discover the truth about their existence and what really happens when they become chosen to leave the grocery store.

Superbad

Two co-dependent high school seniors are forced to deal with separation anxiety after their plan to stage a booze-soaked party goes awry.

Focus

Nicky, an accomplished con artist, gets romantically involved with his disciple Jess but later ends their relationship. Years later, she returns as a femme fatale to spoil his plans.

Casino Royale

Le Chiffre, a banker to the world's terrorists, is scheduled to participate in a high-stakes poker game in Montenegro, where he intends to use his winnings to establish his financial grip on the terrorist market. M sends Bond—on his maiden mission as a 00 Agent—to attend this game and prevent Le Chiffre from winning. With the help of Vesper Lynd and Felix Leiter, Bond enters the most important poker game in his already dangerous career.

Drive

Driver is a skilled Hollywood stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver for criminals. Though he projects an icy exterior, lately he's been warming up to a pretty neighbor named Irene and her young son, Benicio. When Irene's husband gets out of jail, he enlists Driver's help in a million-dollar heist. The job goes horribly wrong, and Driver must risk his life to protect Irene and Benicio from the vengeful masterminds behind the robbery.

Passengers

A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet and transporting thousands of people has a malfunction in its sleep chambers. As a result, two passengers are awakened 90 years early.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Xander Cage is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons.

The Batman

In his second year of fighting crime, Batman uncovers corruption in Gotham City that connects to his own family while facing a serial killer known as the Riddler.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

While working underground to fix a water main, Brooklyn plumbers—and brothers—Mario and Luigi are transported down a mysterious pipe and wander into a magical new world. But when the brothers are separated, Mario embarks on an epic quest to find Luigi.

Dune

Paul Atreides, a brilliant and gifted young man born into a great destiny beyond his understanding, must travel to the most dangerous planet in the universe to ensure the future of his family and his people. As malevolent forces explode into conflict over the planet's exclusive supply of the most precious resource in existence-a commodity capable of unlocking humanity's greatest potential-only those who can conquer their fear will survive.

M3GAN

A brilliant toy company roboticist uses artificial intelligence to develop M3GAN, a life-like doll programmed to emotionally bond with her newly orphaned niece. But when the doll's programming works too well, she becomes overprotective of her new friend with terrifying results.

The Shawshank Redemption

Imprisoned in the 1940s for the double murder of his wife and her lover, upstanding banker Andy Dufresne begins a new life at the Shawshank prison, where he puts his accounting skills to work for an amoral warden. During his long stretch in prison, Dufresne comes to be admired by the other inmates -- including an older prisoner named Red -- for his integrity and unquenchable sense of hope.

The Godfather

Spanning the years 1945 to 1955, a chronicle of the fictional Italian-American Corleone crime family. When organized crime family patriarch, Vito Corleone barely survives an attempt on his life, his youngest son, Michael steps in to take care of the would-be killers, launching a campaign of bloody revenge.

Free Guy

A bank teller discovers he is actually a background player in an open-world video game, and decides to become the hero of his own story. Now, in a world where there are no limits, he is determined to be the guy who saves his world his way before it's too late.

Raya and the Last Dragon

Long ago, in the fantasy world of Kumandra, humans and dragons lived together in harmony. But when an evil force threatened the land, the dragons sacrificed themselves to save humanity. Now, 500 years later, that same evil has returned and it’s up to a lone warrior, Raya, to track down the legendary last dragon to restore the fractured land and its divided people.

Wink

A small group of queer punks find safety and comfort in their local queer pub; but their world is turned upside down. A group of normative heterosexuals have obnoxiously taken over the pub. Tate and Bunny lead a mission to take it back.

The Civil War on Drugs

Comedy troupe "The Whitest Kids U Know" present a film that follows two young men who mistakenly believe the American Civil War is being waged over the legalization of marijuana. They join the cause and embark on a journey that brings them face to face with the Union, the Confederates, the Pony Express and eventually Abraham Lincoln himself.

Suddenly It's Spring

A WAC officer returns from the war to find her husband wants a divorce.

Topsy and Eva

Topsy, a Black slave girl who "jes' growed" is auctioned but nobody will bid. A young girl named Eva purchases Topsy for a nickel.

More Than a Secretary

When the co-owner of a secretarial school visits a magazine editor to find out why he runs through secretaries, she's mistaken for an applicant. Drawn to him, she accepts the position.

Rupture

A man receives a breakup letter from his sweetheart, who sends him back his photo, in pieces. The pained lover decides to reply. Fountain pen, penholder, desk, stamps, paper and inkwell all contrive diabolically to thwart him.

The Golden Arrow

A fake heiress marries a common reporter to thwart the advances of gold-digging playboys.

Ladies First

Chen Liujin and Zhang Lihong have a chance encounter with Wang Shu and Li Rong during an outing to the beach. Chen admires Wang, but Wang has fallen for Zhang's charm; Zhang fancies Li, whose heart is set on Chen ironically. The two young men seek to approach their objects of affection on the pretext of inviting the dream date of each other to an outing in the country during which they are teased and made fun of by the two women. To wipe away the shame, Wang and Li plot to intoxicate the women, who pretend to be in a drunken stupor while calling for help from their uncle and father respectively. In front of the elders, Chen declares her love for Wang, and Zhang for Li. Hit with the realisation of the women's sentiments, the two men reciprocate their respective admirers with their well-deserved love.

Stella

Screwball black comedy about a wacky family that forgets where they've buried a corpse.

Virginie Hocq - No Worries

Plot unavailable

There's Something About Mary

For Ted, prom night went about as bad as it’s possible for any night to go. Thirteen years later, he finally gets another chance with his old prom date, only to run up against other suitors including the sleazy detective he hired to find her.

Life of Brian

Brian Cohen is an average young Jewish man, but through a series of ridiculous events, he gains a reputation as the Messiah. When he's not dodging his followers or being scolded by his shrill mother, the hapless Brian has to contend with the pompous Pontius Pilate and acronym-obsessed members of a separatist movement. Rife with Monty Python's signature absurdity, the tale finds Brian's life paralleling Biblical lore, albeit with many more laughs.

Adam's Apples

A neo-nazi sentenced to community service at a church clashes with the blindly devotional priest.

#Shakespeare's Shitstorm

Mad scientist Prospero runs away with his blind daughter Miranda to Tromaville, hiding from evil pharmaceutical execs, including his own sister Antoinette who ruined his career after he found the cure against opioid addiction. With the help of a handicapped crack-whore, he releases a massive amount of laxative to whales, while his enemies are on a cruise ship to North Korea. A humongous shitstorm washes the boat away and brings them to Tromaville, where Prospero can now fully realize his ultimate vengeance.

Good Throw

A man finds himself determined to send his new boomerang soaring across the sky. Little does he know the power that lies in his hands.

Office Space

A depressed white-collar worker tries hypnotherapy, only to find himself in a perpetual state of devil-may-care bliss that prompts him to start living by his own rules, and hatch a hapless attempt to embezzle money from his soul-killing employers.

The American Way

A comedy short which pokes merry anarchistic fun at such quintessential American institutions as mom, baseball, and apple pie. It features an early appearance from actor John Cazale.

Girl/Girl Scene: The Movie

The lives and loves of a close-knit group of young gay ladies as they make their way in a not-so-modern world.

Mother Father Sister Brother Frank

The Jennings family couldn't be more suburban but when Uncle Frank crashes their weekly Sunday dinner, murder turns up on the menu.

The Dolls with Attitude

Eri as a child hides her pain with a determined smile. This leads to an unprecedented change, turning her into a doll. After landing a singing contract she learns the depth of what she has become.

2 in the Bush: A Love Story

Emily has just been dumped by her girlfriend, kicked out of her apartment, and fired from her job. Her best friend hooks her up with a new gig: personal assistant to a dominatrix. But when Emily falls for her new boss -- and her new boss's boyfriend -- she must decide what risks are worth taking for love. 2 in the Bush is an unconventional romantic comedy about dungeons, a fish named Archimedes, and the many forms that love takes.

Tim Vine Travels Through Time Christmas Special

To recover a silver lion ornament for singer Emma Bunton Tim travels back to the court of Henry Vlll where Anne Boleyn (Emma again) asks jester Tim to send invitations to the guests for her Christmas party. However Cardinal Wolsey aims to steal them so that they will come to his own party and Tim must thwart him.

Tensai Bakabon ~ Family Ties

Bakabon loves his Papa, Mama, and little brother Hajime. Of course, he doesn't have a normal family with a name like that: Papa's an idiot who takes matters into his own hands, no matter the circumstances, Hajime's just a baby and is renowned for his genius, and Mama is the extra-resilient voice of reason. Life certainly isn't boring either, with Papa stopping a fraudster, the parents celebrating their anniversary and sharing how they met, and the foolish patriarch himself deciding to run away and solve a marriage crisis on live television. It's a big dumb world out there, but that's how it should be!

Some Like It Hot

Two musicians witness a mob hit and struggle to find a way out of the city before they are found by the gangsters. Their only opportunity is to join an all-girl band as they leave on a tour. To make their getaway they must first disguise themselves as women, then keep their identities secret and deal with the problems this brings - such as an attractive bandmate and a very determined suitor.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

King Arthur, accompanied by his squire, recruits his Knights of the Round Table, including Sir Bedevere the Wise, Sir Lancelot the Brave, Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-As-Sir-Lancelot and Sir Galahad the Pure. On the way, Arthur battles the Black Knight who, despite having had all his limbs chopped off, insists he can still fight. They reach Camelot, but Arthur decides not to enter, as "it is a silly place".

Bell, Book and Candle

A modern-day witch likes her neighbor but despises his fiancée, so she enchants him to love her instead... only to fall in love with him for real.

Ninotchka

A stern Russian woman sent to Paris on official business finds herself attracted to a man who represents everything she is supposed to detest.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiyev travels to America to make a documentary. As he zigzags across the nation, Borat meets real people in real situations with hysterical consequences. His backwards behavior generates strong reactions around him exposing prejudices and hypocrisies in American culture.

Bhobishyoter Bhoot

A group of ghosts are rendered homeless as all the old haunted buildings in Kolkata have been converted into multi-storied buildings, malls and multiplexes. Some of them, from varied social-economic background, take shelter in an abandoned, dilapidated single-screen theatre, planning to make themselves relevant and fit for the future as contemporary ghosts.

Raising Arizona

When a childless couple--an ex-con and an ex-cop--decide to help themselves to one of another family's quintuplets, their lives become more complicated than they anticipated.

Shaun of the Dead

Shaun lives a supremely uneventful life, which revolves around his girlfriend, his mother, and, above all, his local pub. This gentle routine is threatened when the dead return to life and make strenuous attempts to snack on ordinary Londoners.

She's Funny That Way

On the set of a playwright's new project, a love triangle forms between his wife, her ex-lover, and the call girl-turned-actress cast in the production.

Down to Their Last Yacht

Left only with their yacht after going broke in the Great Depression, a high-society family sets sail for the South Seas. Screwball comedy, with songs.

The Man with the Balloons

Mario is a Milan industrialist who is constantly testing balloons to see how much air one can take before busting.

Don't Get Personal

Elmer Whippet inherits the Whippet Pickles company and sets out to meet the two stars, Mary Reynolds and John Stowe, of the radio program sponsored by his company, as he thinks their on-air quarreling is real. Two former associates, Jules Kinsey and J.M. Snow cross him up by substituting Susan Blair, an office secretary, for Mary and Elmer thinks the show's writer Paul Stevens is John.

Trashology

College student Tracy (Laura Lee Black) has just received an assignment to write a report on her favorite film genre. In her research she discovers a book, now Tracy is taken into three interlocking tales of the unexpected. First in THE VAT, two women (Jenny Coulter / Rodney Horn) are harassed by a religious fanatic (Angie Keeling) about their worldly ways. When the bible thumping hypocrite threatens violence, chaos takes it's toll. Next in BIG DEBBIE, a robust woman (Rodney Horn) is abandoned at the altar, she runs into two guys that use her to fulfill their odd sexual fetish. When one accidentally dies, they're forced to get rid of the body... the only problem: a woman on the edge (Rachel Stout) witnesses the ditching and blackmails them into killing her cheating girlfriend (Kelli Ellis). Finally in INGLOURIOUS BITCHES, a quirky pair of female vigilantes (Douglas Conner / Brian Dorton) use an app on a cellphone to track down and murder sex offenders.

Follow Your Heart

An eccentric musical family is kept in order by a talented daughter with modest ambitions.

Co je doma to se počítá, pánové...

For the Novák and Bartáček families, money is king, and they'll do just about anything to get it. While René Novák pitches his parents a lucrative scheme to swindle as many people with the last name Novák in the country as possible, the Bartáček clan decides to pretend to be much poorer than they really are in order to siphon some dollars from an American relative. And it doesn't take long before these separate scams start to intertwine.

Self Service

Hungry mosquitos, in search of a meal, find that fruit, flowers and other such fare doesn't satisfy. One enterprising bug hits the jackpot - a human! However, the victim vigorously resists joining the food chain, causing a number of winged casualties. The little buggers wait until the man falls asleep, then set up a number of enterprises: cafes, bars, filling stations, all serving blood. Things are going well, but then the mosquito Cosa Nostra moves in, and ramp production into high gear.

Cupcake

Paul and Lucy bite off more than they can chew when they accidentally kill the wrong man with a poisoned batch of baked goods.

A Luxury Crime

Pontius Branco was a climber of the economy, climbed by money like Mount Everest. aggressive businessman. His wife Bernarda felt betrayed. He replaced her for the orgies between the purchase intervals, sells and deceives. Here comes the train from 15:30 to Lisbon a coming emigrant from France with a five year old daughter in her arms and attacks Pontius in his stronghold, demanding recognition of the daughter of sin, Libertina that he had made her "bidonville» on the city of light. Bernarda hires a private detective to obtain evidence of Pontius's adultery with a curvaceous blonde, whose dream was to own butchers, fishmongers and vegetable places in a shopping center. Pontius who all deceived and this triangle (not Bermuda), weaves the web and bore's the head of the entrepreneur. A perfect luxury crime puts the police overtime. Time passes and only after the Seventh Day Mass is brought to light when the sky was given the eclipse of the moon ...

Spring Tonic

Betty Ingals walks out on her fiancé in search of adventure. She gets more than she bargained for when she stumbles upon a gang of bootleggers.

Jacky in the Kingdom of Women

In a country where women are in charge, a man goes to unusual lengths to make his dream of marrying the daughter of a military leader come true.

Free and Easy 10

Su-san resigns after getting fed up with corporate life, but he finds himself back in familiar surroundings on his first assignment at a new job.

The Hunchback

A delirious sci-fi riff on the Arabian Nights' 'Tale of the Hunchback', that submerges us in a technological dystopia reigned by Dalaya.com, a mega-corporation that forces its employees to 'relax' at company-run medieval reenactments.

Hemet, or the Landlady Don't Drink Tea

A tyrannical landlady in Hemet, California lords it over her tenants, pitting them against each other in a web of paranoia spun for deadly results.

Pardon My Past

Eddie York (MacMurray) is mistaken for playboy Francis Pemberton and gets into trouble.

Bad Words

Forty-year-old misanthrope, Guy Trilby, enters the National Golden Quill Spelling Bee through a loophole in the rules.

Don Quixote

Adapted from the work of Miguel de Cervantes, this is the story of a hidalgo, fanatic for chivalry novels, who loses his sanity and believing to be a knight named Don Quixote de La Mancha, decides to go on imaginary adventures along with his friend, the simple farmer Sancho Panza, who becomes his squire. On their journeys, they rescue dames in distress in honorable acts and fight giants among other perils, with Don longing to be with the love of his life, lady Dulcinea, and Sancho waiting to be rewarded with an island where he's about to become a governor.

Abbott and Costello: Funniest Routines, Vol. 1

Join the most popular comedy team in history with a collection of their most loved classic skits! Highlights include Who's on First, The Piano Bit and Niagara Falls featuring the great Errol Flynn and many more. Also, included is the delightful Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein trailer in color for the first time. The laughter is endless with Abbott and Costello at their very best in this timeless medley of their funniest routines! Digitally re-mastered and fully restored in high definition, this is perfect for any fan. Routines include: Hole in the Wall, Mustard, The Magic Act Bit, The Mother Bit, Aspirin, Army Drill, Niagara Falls, Jonah and the Whale, 7x13 is 28, The Piano Bit, The Lemon Bit, The Dice Game, and Who's on First.

All Cheerleaders Die

When tragedy rocks Blackfoot High, rebellious outsider Mäddy Killian shocks the student body by joining the cheerleading squad. After a confrontation with the football team, Mäddy and her new cheerleader friends are sent on a supernatural roller coaster ride which leaves a path of destruction none of them may be able to escape.

The Naked Ape

Somewhat based on Desmond Morris's fascinating book of pop anthropology, this partially animated satirical docudrama produced by Playboy Magazine publisher Hugh Hefner, traces the evolution of human kind and offers insight into the reasons why we behave the way we do. Though often dealing with sexuality, nothing in the film is terribly offensive or graphic. A prime example of mainstream experimental film-making from the early 70's featuring a young and breathtakingly lovely Victoria Principal.