The Onion Movie (2008)

The Union: The Business Behind Getting High

Filmmaker Adam Scorgie explores the illegal marijuana industry in British Columbia, revealing how the international business is most likely more profitable than it would be if it was lawful in this enlightening documentary. Marijuana growers, law enforcement officials, physicians, politicians, criminologists, economists and celebrities—including comedian Tommy Chong—shed light on this topical subject in a series of compelling interviews.

The Paloni Show! Halloween Special!

Leroy, Reggie and Cheruce Paloni host a Halloween special full of spooky shorts from a group of up-and-coming animators.

Tomb of the Werewolf

A reality TV crew visits Castle Daninsky to search for a hidden treasure in the dungeons. Instead of finding treasure, they unearth a tomb and unleash a cursed servant.

The Guardian Brothers

There's a crisis in the Chinese Spirit World -- humans don't believe in gods anymore! A Door God, facing unemployment, ventures into the human world to prove his worth, leading to unexpected encounters and transformations for humans and spirits alike.

The Train

As the Allied forces approach Paris in August 1944, German Colonel Von Waldheim is desperate to take all of France's greatest paintings to Germany. He manages to secure a train to transport the valuable art works even as the chaos of retreat descends upon them. The French resistance however wants to stop them from stealing their national treasures but have received orders from London that they are not to be destroyed. The station master, Labiche, is tasked with scheduling the train and making it all happen smoothly but he is also part of a dwindling group of resistance fighters tasked with preventing the theft. He and others stage an elaborate ruse to keep the train from ever leaving French territory.

Don't Hang Up

An evening of drunken prank calls becomes a nightmare for a pair of teenagers when a mysterious stranger turns their own game against them.

The Inbetweeners Movie

High school graduation just wouldn’t be complete without an un-chaperoned, uninhibited and unforgettable final holiday. At least that’s what Will, Jay, Simon and Neil think when they book a two-week stay on an exotic Greek island. As their dreams of sun-drenched days and booze-filled nights are left hopelessly unfulfilled, the lads fight their way into the party scene with hilariously humiliating results.

To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar

Manhattan drag queens Vida Boheme and Noxeema Jackson impress regional judges in competition, securing berths in the Nationals in Los Angeles. When the two meet pathetic drag novice Chi-Chi Rodriguez — one of the losers that evening — the charmed Vida and Noxeema agree to take the hopeless youngster under their joined wing. Soon the three set off on a madcap road trip across America and struggle to make it to Los Angeles in time.

The Man Who Killed Don Quixote

Toby, a cynical film director finds himself trapped in the outrageous delusions of an old Spanish shoe-maker who believes himself to be Don Quixote. In the course of their comic and increasingly surreal adventures, Toby is forced to confront the tragic repercussions of a film he made in his idealistic youth.

Top Secret!

Popular and dashing American singer Nick Rivers travels to East Germany to perform in a music festival. When he loses his heart to the gorgeous Hillary Flammond, he finds himself caught up in an underground resistance movement. Rivers joins forces with Agent Cedric and Flammond to attempt the rescue of her father, Dr. Paul, from the Germans, who have captured the scientist in hopes of coercing him into building a new naval mine.

The Stanford Prison Experiment

In 1971, Stanford's Professor Philip Zimbardo conducts a controversial psychology experiment in which college students pretend to be either prisoners or guards, but the proceedings soon get out of hand. Based on a true story.

The Apprentice

A young Donald Trump, eager to make his name as a hungry scion of a wealthy family in 1970s New York, comes under the spell of Roy Cohn, the cutthroat attorney who would help create the Donald Trump we know today. Cohn sees in Trump the perfect protégé—someone with raw ambition, a hunger for success, and a willingness to do whatever it takes to win.

Jackass: The Movie

Johnny Knoxville and his band of maniacs perform a variety of stunts and gross-out gags on the big screen for the first time. They wander around Japan in panda outfits, wreak havoc on a once civilized golf course, they even do stunts involving LIVE alligators, and so on.

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance

A deaf man and his girlfriend resort to desperate measures in order to fund a kidney transplant for his sister. Things go horribly wrong, and the situation spirals rapidly into a cycle of violence and revenge.

Lilo & Stitch 2: Stitch Has a Glitch

Now, we find the rowdy extraterrestrial getting used to life with his new ʻohana. However, a malfunction in the ultimate creation of Dr. Jumba soon emerges, which reinstates his destructive programming and threatens to both ruin his friendship with Lilo and to short him out for good!

Suburbicon

In the quiet family town of Suburbicon during the 1950s, the best and worst of humanity is hilariously reflected through the deeds of seemingly ordinary people. When a home invasion turns deadly, a picture-perfect family turns to blackmail, revenge and murder.

The Upside

Phillip is a wealthy quadriplegic who needs a caretaker to help him with his day-to-day routine in his New York penthouse. He decides to hire Dell, a struggling parolee who's trying to reconnect with his ex and his young son. Despite coming from two different worlds, an unlikely friendship starts to blossom.

Wild Wild West

Legless Southern inventor Dr. Arliss Loveless plans to rekindle the Civil War by assassinating President U.S. Grant. Only two men can stop him: gunfighter James West and master-of-disguise and inventor Artemus Gordon. The two must team up to thwart Loveless' plans.

The Land Before Time

An orphaned brontosaurus named Littlefoot sets off in search of the legendary Great Valley. A land of lush vegetation where the dinosaurs can thrive and live in peace. Along the way he meets four other young dinosaurs, each one a different species, and they encounter several obstacles as they learn to work together in order to survive.

Black Box

Mathieu is a young and talented black box analyst on a mission to solve the reason behind the deadly crash of a brand new aircraft. Yet, when the case is closed by authorities, Mathieu cannot help but sense there is something wrong with the evidence. As he listens to the tracks again, he starts detecting some seriously disturbing details. Could the tape have been modified? Going against his boss' orders, Mathieu begins his own rogue investigation - an obsessional and dangerous quest for truth that will quickly threaten far more than his career...

Escape from New York

In a world ravaged by crime, the entire island of Manhattan has been converted into a walled prison where brutal prisoners roam. After the US president crash-lands inside, war hero Snake Plissken has 24 hours to bring him back.

Haunted Mansion

A woman and her son enlist a motley crew of so-called spiritual experts to help rid their home of supernatural squatters.

The Longest Yard

Disgraced pro football quarterback Paul Crewe lands in a Texas federal penitentiary, where manipulative Warden Hazen recruits him to advise the institution's football team of prison guards. Crewe suggests a tune-up game which lands him quarterbacking a crew of inmates in a game against the guards. Aided by incarcerated ex-NFL coach and player Nate Scarborough, Crewe and his team must overcome not only the bloodthirstiness of the opposition, but also the corrupt warden trying to fix the game against them.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

An Israeli counterterrorism soldier with a secretly fabulous ambition to become a Manhattan hairstylist. Zohan's desire runs so deep that he'll do anything -- including faking his own death and going head-to-head with an Arab cab driver -- to make his dreams come true.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

On an isolated island in Brittany at the end of the eighteenth century, a female painter is obliged to paint a wedding portrait of a young woman.

Blue Is the Warmest Color

Adèle's life is changed when she meets Emma, a young woman with blue hair, who will allow her to discover desire, to assert herself as a woman and as an adult. In front of others, Adele grows, seeks herself, loses herself, finds herself.

The Mule

Earl Stone, a man in his eighties, is broke, alone, and facing foreclosure of his business when he is offered a job that simply requires him to drive. Easy enough, but, unbeknownst to Earl, he's just signed on as a drug courier for a Mexican cartel. He does so well that his cargo increases exponentially, and Earl hit the radar of hard-charging DEA agent Colin Bates.

Superbad

Two co-dependent high school seniors are forced to deal with separation anxiety after their plan to stage a booze-soaked party goes awry.

Casino Royale

Le Chiffre, a banker to the world's terrorists, is scheduled to participate in a high-stakes poker game in Montenegro, where he intends to use his winnings to establish his financial grip on the terrorist market. M sends Bond—on his maiden mission as a 00 Agent—to attend this game and prevent Le Chiffre from winning. With the help of Vesper Lynd and Felix Leiter, Bond enters the most important poker game in his already dangerous career.

Passengers

A spacecraft traveling to a distant colony planet and transporting thousands of people has a malfunction in its sleep chambers. As a result, two passengers are awakened 90 years early.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage

Xander Cage is left for dead after an incident, though he secretly returns to action for a new, tough assignment with his handler Augustus Gibbons.

Green Book

Tony Lip, a bouncer in 1962, is hired to drive pianist Don Shirley on a tour through the Deep South in the days when African Americans, forced to find alternate accommodations and services due to segregation laws below the Mason-Dixon Line, relied on a guide called The Negro Motorist Green Book.

A Quiet Place

A family is forced to live in silence while hiding from creatures that hunt by sound.

The Whale

A reclusive English teacher suffering from severe obesity attempts to reconnect with his estranged teenage daughter for one last chance at redemption.

Avatar: The Way of Water

Set more than a decade after the events of the first film, learn the story of the Sully family (Jake, Neytiri, and their kids), the trouble that follows them, the lengths they go to keep each other safe, the battles they fight to stay alive, and the tragedies they endure.

Lady Bird

Lady Bird McPherson, a strong willed, deeply opinionated, artistic 17 year old comes of age in Sacramento. Her relationship with her mother and her upbringing are questioned and tested as she plans to head off to college.

Soul

Joe Gardner is a middle school teacher with a love for jazz music. After a successful audition at the Half Note Club, he suddenly gets into an accident that separates his soul from his body and is transported to the You Seminar, a center in which souls develop and gain passions before being transported to a newborn child. Joe must enlist help from the other souls-in-training, like 22, a soul who has spent eons in the You Seminar, in order to get back to Earth.

Parasite

All unemployed, Ki-taek's family takes peculiar interest in the wealthy and glamorous Parks for their livelihood until they get entangled in an unexpected incident.

Barbie's World

A twisted fairytale drama about the world and the characters that surround the doll Barbie.

The Ballad of Kyle T. MaGatt

Aided by powers from a little red hat / A deplorable fellow named Kyle MaGatt / Goes hunting for Covid to save the economy / To become the hero Americans should see. / But will he succeed in this arduous task? / Or will he be forced to wear a mask?

Pillow to Post

With a war on and most men being drafted, Howard Oil Supply Company has no salesmen left. So daughter Jean hits the road and does not make one sale. She finally gets one tentative sale with the Black Hills Oil Co., but Earl wants dinner with her. With the shortage of housing due to the war, Jean needs a military husband to get a place to stay in Clayfield, which is next to Camp Clay. She gets Lt. Mallory to act as her husband just to register. Then things go wrong as his commanding officer is there and believes them to be married. It gets worse as Don's mother shows up and then Jean's father.

The Secret Cinema

Welcome to the Secret Cinema, now featuring a series of films on the real-life misadventures of Jane, a New York City office secretary. See Jane being sexually harassed by her boss, Mr. Troppogrosso. See Jane get dumped by her boyfriend, Dick. See Jane humiliated in lots of ways. And here's the kicker: Jane doesn't know that her life is being filmed, or that she's being set up by some of the people closest to her. But she's starting to have her suspicions.

Woman Chases Man

A pretty architect devises a wild scheme to convince a handsome millionaire to fund a new housing development project.

A Report on the Party and the Guests

A picnic is rudely transformed into a lesson in political hierarchy when a handful of mysterious authority figures show up.

KAPPA

In the fake world of stardom, actor 'KAPPA' portrays a loving person and father figure when he plays the starring role in a lighthearted TV sit-com and when he presents himself in the media. His fake identity is juxtaposed with his egomaniac and perverse self which gradually unfolds until his soon to be demise.

Punto y Comas

Plot unavailable

The Apartment Above

Two apartment house dwellers, although unrelated, share the same name. One is an older man with an appreciation for and love of classical music, while the other is a younger man addicted to swing music. The niece of the older man arrives for a visit and gets into the wrong apartment. Complications arise.

High Society

After a divorce with her childhood friend, arrogant socialite Tracy Lord is remarrying but her ex-husband in still in love with her. Meanwhile, a gossip magazine blackmails Tracy's family into covering her new wedding. A musical remake of the 1940 romcom The Philadelphia Story.

1941

In the days after the attack on Pearl Harbor, panic grips California, where a military officer leads a mob chasing a Japanese sub.

Cupcake

Paul and Lucy bite off more than they can chew when they accidentally kill the wrong man with a poisoned batch of baked goods.

Goodbye, Petrushka

Claire moves impulsively from NYC to Paris, where she nannies for the family from hell, battles wacky French bureaucrats, embarrasses herself in front of her Parisian crush and navigates a toxic relationship - among other faux pas.

Abbuzze! Der Badesalz-Film

Plot unavailable

Happiness

The lives of several individuals intertwine as they go about their lives in their own unique ways, engaging in acts which society as a whole might find disturbing in a desperate search for human connection.

Down with Love

In 1962 New York City, love blossoms between a playboy journalist and a feminist advice author.

Not Another Teen Movie

On a bet, a gridiron hero at John Hughes High School sets out to turn a bespectacled plain Jane into a beautiful and popular prom queen in this outrageous send-up of the teen movies of the 1980s and '90s.

Spooksbury

An awkward ghoul makes his television debut as he presents the 1968 horror classic Night of the Living Dead, with the help of a reluctant crew.

Hamlet 2

Failed actor-turned-worse-high-school-drama-teacher Dana Marschz rallies his Tucson students as he conceives and stages politically incorrect musical sequel to Shakespeare's Hamlet.

The Mouse That Roared

The Duchy of Grand Fenwick decides that the only way to get out of their economic woes is to declare war on the United States, lose and accept foreign aid. They send an invasion force (in chain mail, armed with bows and arrows) to New York and they arrive during a nuclear drill that has cleared the streets.

Strangers with Candy

A prequel to the critically acclaimed series featuring Jerri Blank, a 46 year old ex-junkie, ex-con who returns to high school in a bid to start her life over.

Freddy Got Fingered

Unemployed cartoonist Gord Brody moves back in with his parents Jim and Julie and younger brother Freddy. When his parents demand he leave, he retaliates by spreading rumors that Jim is sexually abusing Freddy.

Fido

Timmy Robinson's best friend in the whole wide world is a six-foot tall rotting zombie named Fido. But when Fido eats the next-door neighbor, Mom and Dad hit the roof, and Timmy has to go to the ends of the earth to keep Fido a part of the family. A boy-and-his-dog movie for grown ups, "Fido" will rip your heart out.

A Perfect Slice

A young woman descends into the depths of human depravity while attempting to craft the perfect slice of toast.

#Shakespeare's Shitstorm

Mad scientist Prospero runs away with his blind daughter Miranda to Tromaville, hiding from evil pharmaceutical execs, including his own sister Antoinette who ruined his career after he found the cure against opioid addiction. With the help of a handicapped crack-whore, he releases a massive amount of laxative to whales, while his enemies are on a cruise ship to North Korea. A humongous shitstorm washes the boat away and brings them to Tromaville, where Prospero can now fully realize his ultimate vengeance.

Sleeper

Miles Monroe, a clarinet-playing health food store proprietor, is revived out of cryostasis 200 years into a future world in order to help rebels fight an oppressive government regime.

Intolerable Cruelty

A revenge-seeking gold digger marries a womanizing Beverly Hills lawyer with the intention of making a killing in the divorce.

Serial Mom

Beverly is the perfect happy homemaker, along with her doting husband and two children, but this nuclear family just might explode when her fascination with serial killers collides with her ever-so-proper code of ethics.

The Kentucky Fried Movie

A series of loosely connected skits that spoof news programs, commercials, porno films, kung-fu films, disaster films, blaxploitation films, spy films, mafia films, and the fear that somebody is watching you on the other side of the TV.

The Ugly Story

Based on a satirical short story by Fyodor Dostoyevsky concerning the escapades of a Russian civil servant.

Ellie Parker

Ellie Parker, an aspiring actress from Australia, lives a hectic Hollywood lifestyle, perpetually trying to land the role that will elevate her career. Living with her lothario musician boyfriend, Justin, Ellie is far from happy, finding support primarily from her friend Sam. But when Ellie meets Chris after a minor traffic accident, she sees new potential for both romance and her life in general.

The Awful Truth

Unfounded suspicions lead a married couple to begin divorce proceedings, whereupon they start undermining each other's attempts to find new romance.

The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat

Fritz, now married and with a son, is desperate to escape from the domestic hell he now finds himself in. Lighting up a joint, he begins to dream about his eight other lives, hoping to find one that will provide a pleasant distraction.

Bill Hicks: Sane Man

Sane Man was filmed before Bill recorded ‘Dangerous’, his first comedy album, and is a turning point in Hicks’ career. It was the first complete Hicks show ever filmed and Bill pulled out all the stops for the cameras. Completely focused, a newly-sober Hicks paces the stage like a wild animal riffing effortless.

How to Get Ahead in Advertising

Pressure from his boss and a skin-cream client produces a talking boil on a British adman's neck.

Last Night

Various citizens of Toronto anxiously await the end of the world, which is occurring at the stroke of midnight on New Year's Day.

The Nine Lives of Tomas Katz

The last day of creation. A stranger arrives in London. No one knows who he is or where he has come from. By the time he leaves, the entire universe will have been erased.

The Wog Boy

Steve liked Celia from the moment they met. But following a clash with her boss, Raelene Beagle-Thorpe, Minister for Employment, he finds himself on national television branded as Australia's biggest dole bludger. Now Steve has to prove to Celia, to himself, and to the whole country, that there's more to him than meets the eye. With a little help from his friends, he might just do it.

Cetto c'è, senzadubbiamente

Cetto la Qualunque, having set aside all political ambition, is now nothing more than an entrepreneur. But the news of the worsening condition of his aunt leads him to return to Italy, where something from his past will be revealed and, “doubtlessly,” all of our lives will be forever changed.

Three for the Show

This musical reworking of Too Many Husbands (1940), features Grable as a top singer and dancer who's been widowed by WW II. She marries her late husband's songwriting partner, Gower Champion, but the new marriage is thrown for a loop when Lemmon, her first husband, turns up very much alive and eager to see Grable.

East Side Story

Diego is a gay but closeted Hispanic chef living in East Los Angeles who works in the restaurant operated by his grandmother. Frustrated by the secretive lifestyle he shares with his similarly closeted lover, Pablo, Diego finds himself attracted to Wesley, one of the openly gay Caucasian men he feels are gentrifying his neighborhood. Their relationship pushes Diego to consider the possibility of a life he had never imagined.

The Hebrew Hammer

When a psychotic Santa tries to destroy Chanukah by hypnotizing Jewish children with bootlegged copies of the Christmas classic "It's a Wonderful Life," it's up to the Hebrew Hammer to save the day. Together with Mohammed, head of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front, the Hammer takes no prisoners in his quest to hunt down the renegade Santa and make the holiday season safe for all.

Thanks for Everything

Promoters set up a radio contest to find the average American and use him to sell food, apparel and notions. All goes well until he falls in love with a girl who upsets things.

Do Not Expect Too Much from the End of the World

On behalf of a multinational company, a production assistant drives around the Romanian city of Bucharest, interviewing various citizens who have been injured due to work accidents to cast one of them in a “safety at work” video.

Golmaal – Fun Unlimited

Four runaway cons take shelter in a bungalow owned by an old blind couple.

Zorro, The Gay Blade

George Hamilton stars in a dueling dual role as twin sons of the legendary Zorro. Soon after the dashing Don Diego Vega inherits his father's famous sword and costume, a broken ankle prevents the masked avenger from fulfilling his heroic duties. When his flamboyantly fashion-conscious brother assumes the secret identity to continue an ongoing fight for justice, the results are nothing short of hilarious!

Josie and the Pussycats

Josie, Melody and Val are three small-town girl musicians determined to take their rock band out of their garage and straight to the top, while remaining true to their look, style and sound. They get a record deal which brings fame and fortune but soon realize they are pawns of two people who want to control the youth of America. They must clear their names, even if it means losing fame and fortune.

Charm School

Defiant 18-year-old Adela León pushes her father and an unbending headmistress to the limit in this delicious comedy.

Swimming with Sharks

Guy is a young film executive who's willing to do whatever it takes to make it in Hollywood. He begins working for famed producer Buddy Ackerman, a domineering, manipulative, coldhearted boss. When Guy also finds out that his cynical girlfriend, Dawn, has been using sex as a career move, he reaches his limit. Guy decides to exact revenge on Buddy by kidnapping him and subjecting him to cruel and unusual punishment.

A Fool and His Money

Sam the white-washer pines for the affluent Lindy, but she has dumped him in favor of another. Sam finds a large sum of money, and goes to New York to enjoy a shopping spree, buying new clothes, jewelry and a car with a driver. Back home, Lindy flips for Sam and his newfound wealth, and dumps the rival. Sam throws an engagement party where he indulges in a friendly game of cards with his former rival and another man, who unbeknownst to Sam, is a card shark.

Deal of the Century

Arms dealers from several companies vie to sell the most expensive and highest tech weapons to a South American dictator. There are complications; understanding the exact nature of how 'gifts' are used to grease the wheels of a sale, a religious conversion from one of the salesman and a romance that begins to grow between two competitors.

Woman of the Year

Rival reporters Sam Craig and Tess Harding fall in love and get married, only to find their relationship strained when Sam comes to resent Tess' hectic lifestyle.

Double Wedding

A bohemian free spirit helps meek Waldo win back his fiancée and falls in love with her over-controlling sister in the process.

Love Crazy

Circumstance, an old flame and a mother-in-law drive a happily married couple to the verge of divorce and insanity.

Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical

This film tells the tale of the Harper Affair, in which young Jimmy Harper finds his life of promise turn into a life of debauchery and murder thanks to the new drug menace marijuana. Along the way he receives help from his girlfriend Mary and Jesus himself, but always finds himself in the arms of the Reefer Man and the rest of the denizens of the Reefer Den.

It's A Small World

Socialite, privileged, Jane Dale and lawyer Bill Shevlin meet in an automobile accident at night, on a dirt road, in a storm, near a hick town which fleeces travelers through corrupt law enforcement.

Mike Bassett: England Manager

After England's football (soccer) manager has a heart attack, Mike Bassett is hired as the new manager and promptly announces the team will win the World Cup.

Things Are Tough All Over

Everybody has problems these days, and Cheech and Chong are no exceptions. They're hired by Slyman and Habib to drive a limousine to Las Vegas with $5 million secretly stashed in the front seat. In order to get there, the pair sells off the car piece by piece, including the seven-figure front seat. Cheech and Chong then have a much bigger problem - Slyman and Habib are after them, swearing to kill them after the appropriate torture.

Blithe Spirit

An English mystery novelist invites a medium to his home, so she may conduct a séance for a small gathering. The writer hopes to gather enough material for the book he's working on, as well as to expose the medium as a charlatan. However, proceedings take an unexpected turn, resulting in a chain of supernatural events being set into motion that wreak havoc on the man's present marriage.

Water

A British diplomat to a West Indian island nation finds his idyllic existence thrown into chaos when a large American drilling company finds a huge source of natural mineral water there.