Sad Jokes (2024)

Barbie Presents: Thumbelina

Meet a tiny girl named Thumbelina who lives in harmony with nature in the magical world of the Twillerbees that's hidden among the wildflowers. At the whim of a spoiled young girl named Makena, Thumbelina and her two friends have their patch of wildflowers uprooted and are transported to a lavish apartment in the city.

Scipio Africanus: The Defeat of Hannibal

A story of the Second Punic Wars, beginning with Scipio's futile pleas to the Roman Senate to build an army to battle Hannibal, that climaxes with the battle of Zama.

Main Man

For Kevin, a shy teenager, being bullied is part of everyday life. But one day an older guy, Benny, comes to his aid. Impressed by Benny's self-as-sured appearance, Kevin seeks his company from then on, and increasingly idolizes him. But Benny's intention is not to protect the younger boy, quite the contrary.

MoniKa

The film is a violent, edgy ride focusing on down and out Reagan Tyler, a man who is troubled by visions and premonitions that ultimately lead him to old school Las Vegas. It's there that Reagan meets the beautiful and mysterious Monika, a young woman who turns out to have been killed the night before he even met her. Reagan is then forced to put the puzzle together of what happened, how she is still present, and help Monika with her revenge on the killers of her younger sister.

Hello

Call-center workers receive a phone call from God.

Maine-Ocean Express

"Maine-Ocean" is the name of a train that rides from Paris to Saint-Nazaire (near the ocean). In that train, Dejanira, a Brazilian, has a brush with the two ticket inspectors. Mimi, another traveler and also a lawyer, helps her. The four of them will meet together later and live a few shifted adventures with a strange-speaking sailor (Mimi's client).

Scooby-Doo! and the Sea Monsters

The scares start in Hawaii, where Scooby-Doo and Shaggy are scarfing down the surf-and-turf menu until a giant serpent tries to swallow them faster than you can say She Sees Sea Monsters by the Seashore. In Uncle Scooby and Antarctica, a friendly penguin invites the Mystery, Inc. crew to visit his polar home, which happens to be haunted by an ice ghost! Then, the gang meets music group Smash Mouth while visiting Australia's Great Barrier Reef to watch Shaggy and Scooby compete in a sand castle contest in Reef Grief! Just when they think it's safe to go back in the water... it isn't.

Tu Jhoothi Main Makkaar

To earn extra cash, Mickey helps couples break up — but life gets complicated when he falls for Tinni, a career woman with an independent streak.

Sun, Hay, Erotica

The local farmers' cooperative organized a trip to Italy, in which the Škopkovci took part. They went there at the invitation of the Italian agricultural cooperative, whose employees are going to visit Hoštice in return. In addition to the sights, the goal of the tour was also an excursion to a modern Italian cowshed. After returning home, Hoštice and its inhabitants are waiting for a "great approach to Europe" - they plan to improve the neglected village by building a nudist beach. However, as it usually happens, the Italian delegation appears at the least convenient moment. Strangely enough, they like the cooperative's neglected economy so much that they propose to preserve it as an open-air museum...

Dawn Rider

A gripping story of vengeance and passion set in the American West. When the father of gunslinger John Mason is shot to death by masked bandits, Mason sets out with guns blazing to track down those who killed him. During his quest, he finds himself involved in a grim love triangle when he falls for Alice, the determined and beautiful woman also adored by John’s best friend. Based on the timeless John Wayne adventure, Dawn Rider is a riveting saga of retribution, duty and valor in the American West.

Sonic Birth

Further to an accident, Serge falls into a coma. A research team is going to try to stimulate his memory to return him to consciousness.

Professor Hannibal

A school teacher becomes a momentary hero after having rescued a stuffed-bird from a school incident.

Return

RETURN tells the story of a retired Green Beret who embarks on a healing journey from Montana to Vietnam. There he retraces his steps, shares his wartime experiences with his son, treats his Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and seeks out the mountain tribespeople he once lived with and fought alongside as a Special Forces officer.

Saturday Night's Main Event XXXVIII

The next Saturday Night’s Main Event primetime special will air live on Saturday, Jan. 25, at 8/7 C on NBC and simulcast on Peacock. The special will be held at Frost Bank Center – home of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs – in San Antonio, Texas.

The Fabulous Journey of Mr. Bilbo Baggins, the Hobbit, Across the Wild Land, Through the Dark Forest, Beyond the Misty Mountains. There and Back Again

The Author, i.e. J. R. R. Tolkien himself (played by Zinovij Gerdt), tells "his" story: the life of Bilbo Baggins, a quiet and enjoyable hobbit, is turned upside down when he decides to join the wizard Gandalf and a company of thirteen dwarves in an attempt to regain a treasure stolen from the latter. [Soviet television movie adaptation of "The Hobbit"]

Tassels in the Air

The stooges are janitors in an office building. They stencil the wrong names on all the offices, causing a rich lady to mistakes Moe for famous decorator Omay. She hires the boys to redecorate her house, which they proceed to ruin. More trouble ensues when the real Omay shows up.

Star Wars: Evolution of the Lightsaber Duel

Though lightsabers have been a force in the Star Wars galaxy since George Lucas’ original film, the weapon’s on-screen presence evolved throughout both cinematic trilogies and into Star Wars: The Force Awakens. SportsCenter is tracing the lightsaber’s lineage through the films, and a new trailer for the special will definitely delight any fan’s inner Star Wars Kid.

La Villa Santo-Sospir

Cocteau takes the viewer on a tour of a friend's villa on the French coast (a major location used in Testament of Orpheus). The house itself is heavily decorated, mostly by Cocteau (and a bit by Picasso), and we are given an extensive tour of the artwork. Cocteau also shows us several dozen paintings as well. Most cover mythological themes, of course. He also proudly shows paintings by Edouard Dermithe and Jean Marais and plays around his own home in Villefranche.

Barbie in Princess Power

Barbie is Kara - a modern-day princess with a normal life. Kissed by a butterfly which gives her superpowers and allows her to become a Super Sparkle, she is ready to save the kingdom from evil - were it not for her jealous cousin who is also kissed by the butterfly and becomes her rival and nemesis. Watch as Super Sparkle and Dark Sparkle learn that together they can become a great team for good once they learn the power of friendship.

Cedric & Alysia

Following his return to a homeland ravaged by war, Cedric Vale offers his services as Knight-Protector to the Baron of Pres, only to learn shortly after that the Baron has married the woman he loves, Lady Alysia.

Joker

In 1947 when the maps of India and Pakistan were being drawn, an oversight ensured that the village of Paglapur didn't find a place in either country. Over 60 years later, Paglapur is isolated, and in need of help. The residents seek help, but as a direct result of being left off the map, they find no one willing to accept Paglapur, and its problems, as their jurisdiction. The villagers decide they need to draw media attention to Paglapur, and in so doing, gain acceptance and help from those who had previously denied them.

Top Gear: Patagonia Special

The 11th Top Gear Special is a glorious celebration of the V8 engine, or at least, it was supposed to be. In it, Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May take a trio of V8 powered sports cars for an epic and arduous 1600 mile road trip through the spectacular landscapes of Patagonia. Along the way they encounter swamps, deserts, forests, beaches and snowy mountain passes as the threesome and their often malfunctioning machines press on towards the southernmost city in the world and an impending game of car football. Unfortunately, that's not quite how things turn out...

Masthu Shades Unnai Ra

Manu, an artist, is on a mission to get noticed again after advanced printing technology shows up and steals his spotlight. He's trying out modern tricks to be more efficient. Will he make it?

The Fortunate Ones

Algarve, late 90s. Following the death of her grandmother, Milene - a strong young woman full of life despite a slight mental handicap - divides her life between her family of notables and a Cape Verdean family that keeps her going, whom she met when her grandmother died. The wind that whistles in the cranes plunges us into the world of two families against the backdrop of Portugal's recent past.

Bread and Tulips

An endearing light comedy about a woman who spontaneously becomes a resident of Venice after her family left her behind. While enjoying the wonderful people she meets she achieves a new life and the first time independent of her family.

The Hours

The story of three women searching for more potent, meaningful lives. Each is alive at a different time and place, all are linked by their yearnings and their fears. Their stories intertwine, and finally come together in a surprising, transcendent moment of shared recognition.

The Elephant Man

A Victorian surgeon rescues a heavily disfigured man being mistreated by his "owner" as a side-show freak. Behind his monstrous façade, there is revealed a person of great intelligence and sensitivity. Based on the true story of Joseph Merrick (called John Merrick in the film), a severely deformed man in 19th century London.

We Own the Night

A New York nightclub manager tries to save his brother and father from Russian mafia hitmen.

Jack & Sarah

Jack always lands on his feet. He lands on his feet when he marries the beautiful Sarah. He lands on his feet when he buys a luxurious new home. However, when Sarah goes into labour, he takes a tumble down the stairs and lands on his head. When he comes around he discovers he is the proud father of a baby girl, but deficient in the spouse department to the tune of 1.

While You Were Sleeping

A transit worker pulls commuter Peter off railway tracks after he's mugged, but—while he's in a coma—his family mistakenly thinks she's Peter's fiancée, and she doesn't correct them. Things get more complicated when she falls for his brother, who's not quite sure that she's who she claims to be.

HER

Somewhere between dream, life, and death, a girl sees HERself confronted with HER images of two important people in HER life and HERself.

Earth Girls Are Easy

In this musical comedy, Valerie is dealing with her philandering fiancé, Ted, when she finds that a trio of aliens have crashed their spaceship into her swimming pool. Once the furry beings are shaved at her girlfriend's salon, the women discover three handsome men underneath. After absorbing the native culture via television, the spacemen are ready to hit the dating scene in 1980s Los Angeles.

The Distances

Olivia, Eloy, Guille and Anna travel to Berlin to pay a surprise visit to their friend Comas. His welcome is not as they expected and during the weekend their friendship is put to the test. Together they discover that time and distance can change everything.

Now and Forever

Min-Soo is a playboy who can't tolerate long term relationships. However, fate takes him to beautiful Hye-Won. While, Min-Soo becomes totally captivated by Hye-Won, Hye-Woon tries to resist Min-Soo, fearing their love will be shortened by her terminal illness.

Dragonfly

A grieving doctor is being contacted by his late wife through his patient's near death experiences.

Better Man

Follow Robbie Williams' journey from childhood, to being the youngest member of chart-topping boyband Take That, through to his unparalleled achievements as a record-breaking solo artist – all the while confronting the challenges that stratospheric fame and success can bring.

Under the Tuscan Sun

After a rough divorce, Frances, a 35-year-old professor and writer from San Francisco takes a tour of Tuscany at the urgings of her friends. On a whim she buys Bramasole, a run down villa in the Tuscan countryside and begins to piece her life together starting with the villa and finds that life sometimes has unexpected ways of giving her everything she wanted.

Suicide Kings

Carlo, a former mobster, is abducted by five privileged young men desperate to raise a $2 million ransom to save the sister of a friend. As Carlo plays mind games, however, his captors splinter -- each wondering whether one of their own had a hand in the crime.

Happiness

The lives of several individuals intertwine as they go about their lives in their own unique ways, engaging in acts which society as a whole might find disturbing in a desperate search for human connection.

He Was a Quiet Man

An unhinged office worker who planned to go on a shooting spree at his workplace struggles with his newfound status as a hero after he ends up stopping a shooting spree instead.

Awakenings

Dr. Malcolm Sayer, a shy research physician, uses an experimental drug to "awaken" the catatonic victims of a rare disease. Leonard is the first patient to receive the controversial treatment. His awakening, filled with awe and enthusiasm, proves a rebirth for Sayer too, as the exuberant patient reveals life's simple but unutterably sweet pleasures to the introverted doctor.

Secretary

A young woman, recently released from a mental hospital, gets a job as a secretary to a demanding lawyer, where their employer-employee relationship turns into a sexual, sadomasochistic one.

The Mothman Prophecies

Reporter John Klein is plunged into a world of impossible terror and unthinkable chaos when fate draws him to a sleepy West Virginia town whose residents are being visited by a great winged shape that sows hideous nightmares and fevered visions.

The Ordinaries

Paula, a young supporting character, studies at the Main Character School and dreams on graduating to become a lead.

Leroy

A gently humorous look at otherness and xenophobia in modern day German with this tale of a black Berlin teen named Leroy who rediscovers his roots after falling for a pretty white girl and meeting her racist family.

C-section

Two couples from totally different backgrounds unwillingly meet in the same hospital's maternity ward after delivery.

The Party's Just Beginning

In a bleak Inverness midwinter, Luisaidh is careening off the rails after the suicide of her best friend. She medicates her misery with joyless sex, chips and a belief in the power of positive drinking. Surrounded by bittersweet memories, she struggles to find someone to talk to or some reason to make life worthwhile at the most stressful time of the year.

Re-Animator

Conducting clandestine experiments within the morgue at Miskatonic University, scientist Herbert West reveals to a fellow graduate student his groundbreaking work concerning the re-animation of fresh corpses.

Helen

On the outside, Helen has it all – a loving family and a successful career – but when her suppressed mental illness resurfaces, the world crumbles around her. Crippled by depression, Helen finds solace through her friendship with Mathilda, a kindred spirit struggling with bipolar disorder.

The Next Best Thing

A comedy-drama about best friends - one a straight woman, Abbie, the other a gay man, Robert - who decide to have a child together. Five years later, Abbie falls in love with a straight man and wants to move away with her and Robert's little boy Sam, and a nasty custody battle ensues.

We Shall Overcome

A drama about a boy who's inspired by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and challenges repressive school authority in 1969 Denmark.

The Lamp Still Burns

A tribute to the important work of female nurses during World War II.

Same Old Song

Odile is a business executive looking for a new, bigger apartment. Her younger sister Camille has just completed her doctoral thesis in history and is a Paris tour guide. Simon is a regular on Camille's tours because he's attracted to her. Camille has fallen for Marc, and they begin an affair. Nicolas is also looking for an apartment, since he hopes to eventually have his family join him in Paris.

An Ordinary Day

One afternoon, when a comet is predicted to hit the earth, Su-in and Jae-hee, who did not know each other well, visit places they have never been before and get to know each other. The end of the world is gradually approaching, and they climb to the higher ground, embracing the moment of extinction.

Soft

A teenager struggles with his identity after an unresolved family relationship.

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie

Dr. Clayton Forrester figures he can rule the world if he deadens his subjects' brains by making them endure terrible movies. Exploiting his access to nearby satellite-dwellers Mike Nelson and his robot pals, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo, Forrester makes them watch "This Island Earth", a cheesy 1950s spaceship film. But when Mike and friends make funny comments throughout the movie and others that follow, Forrester's plan looks increasingly flimsy.

World Trade Center

Two police officers struggle to survive when they become trapped beneath the rubble of the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001.

The Men

Ken, a WWII GI, returns home after he's paralyzed in battle. Residing in the paraplegic ward of a veteran's hospital and embittered by his condition, he refuses to see his fiancée and sinks into a solitary world of hatred and hostility. Head physician, Dr. Brock cajoles the withdrawn Ken into the life of the ward, where fellow patients Norm, Leo and Angel begin to pull him out of his spiritual dilemma.

Reclaim Your Brain

Frustrated, because he is forced to produce bad TV-shows, a manager of a TV-station, enters the station and manipulates the ratings, to initiate a TV-revolution.

Irina Palm

Maggie, a quiet retiring grandmother, finds herself helpless as her grandson’s health deteriorates. When one last chance appears, but money is desperately short, Maggie acts to raise the cash in a fashion that surprises everyone but her.

The Possession of Hannah Grace

When a cop who is just out of rehab takes the graveyard shift in a city hospital morgue, she faces a series of bizarre, violent events caused by an evil entity in one of the corpses.

Patients

After a serious sport accident in a swimming pool, Ben, now an incomplete quadriplegic, arrives in a rehabilitation center. He meets with other handicapped persons (tetraplegics, paraplegics, traumatized crania), all victims of accidents, as well as a handicapped since his early childhood. They go through impotence, despair and resignation, with their daily struggle to learn how to move a finger or to hold a fork. Some of them slowly find a little mobility while others receive the verdict of the handicap for life. Despite everything, hope and friendship help them endure their difficulties.

Sicko

A documentary about the corrupt health care system in The United States who's main goal is to make profit even if it means losing people’s lives. "The more people you deny health insurance the more money we make" is the business model for health care providers in America.

Buddies

David, a naive graduate student, has volunteered to work as a 'buddy' for people dying of AIDS. Assigned to the intensely political Robert, a lifelong activist whose friends and family have abandoned him following his diagnosis, the two men, each with notably different world views, soon discover common bonds, as David's inner activist awakens and Robert's need for emotional release is fulfilled.

Barefoot

A hedonistic bachelor - he is his rich family's black sheep - falls for a suicidal mental patient.

SLC Punk

Two former geeks become 1980s punks, then party and go to concerts while deciding what to do with their lives.

Hotel Chevalier

In a Paris hotel room, Jack Whitman lies on a bed. His phone rings; it's a woman on her way to see him, a surprise. She arrives and the complications of their relationship emerge in bits and pieces. Will they make love? Is their relationship over? (A prequel to The Darjeeling Limited, 2007.)

Summer in Berlin

When you read the title ‘Summer on the Balcony’ you probably think it will be a light Berlin summer comedy but it’s not. This film is an intimate study of two women friends who come to each other because of troubles with everyday life and with men and thus try to enjoy a life based on their ideas.

8½

Guido Anselmi, a film director, finds himself creatively barren at the peak of his career. Urged by his doctors to rest, Anselmi heads for a luxurious resort, but a sorry group gathers—his producer, staff, actors, wife, mistress, and relatives—each one begging him to get on with the show. In retreat from their dependency, he fantasizes about past women and dreams of his childhood.

Sissi: The Fateful Years of an Empress

After a wonderful time in Hungary Sissi falls extremely ill and must retreat to a Mediterranean climate to rest. The young empress’ mother takes her from Austria to recover in Madeira.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

A petty criminal fakes insanity to serve his sentence in a mental ward rather than prison. He soon finds himself as a leader to the other patients—and an enemy to the cruel, domineering nurse who runs the ward.

Requiem

Michaela, an epileptic, enrolls in college to study education. She goes off her medication and soon begins hearing voices and seeing apparitions that tell her to avoid religious objects, although she is devoutly Roman Catholic. One priest scoffs at the idea that Michaela could be possessed by demons, but a younger pastor arranges an exorcism for the young woman.

Güeros

Set amidst the 1999 student strikes in Mexico City, this coming-of-age tale finds two brothers venturing through the city in a sentimental search for an aging legendary musician. Shot in black-and-white, Güeros brims with youthful exuberance.

Princesses

Caye is a young prostitute whose family is unaware of her profession. She meets her striking Dominican neighbour Zulema, an illegal immigrant, after she finds her in the bathroom, badly beaten up. They strike up a close friendship unbeknownst to Caye's xenophobic co-workers.

Die Aufschneider

Plot unavailable

Bean

Childlike Englishman, Mr. Bean, is an incompetent watchman at the Royal National Gallery. After the museum's board of directors' attempt to have him fired is blocked by the chairman, who has taken a liking to Bean, they send him to Los Angeles to act as their ambassador for the unveiling of a historic painting to humiliate him. Fooled, Mr. Bean must now successfully unveil the painting or risk his and a hapless Los Angeles curator's termination.

Rocky II

After Rocky goes the distance with champ Apollo Creed, both try to put the fight behind them and move on. Rocky settles down with Adrian but can't put his life together outside the ring, while Creed seeks a rematch to restore his reputation. Soon enough, the "Master of Disaster" and the "Italian Stallion" are set on a collision course for a climactic battle that is brutal and unforgettable.

A Spot for Frog

Locked out of the school art room, a creative non-binary teen named Frog grapples with anxiety as they seek a new place to eat lunch. Imagination blurs with reality in this hybrid work of live action and animation about finding a place to belong.

Emma's Bliss

Upon being informed that he is fatally ill with cancer, Max, who works at a used car store, steals money which his boss has gained through illegal means. When fleeing from the scene of the crime Max crashes his car. He is pulled unconscious from the destroyed vehicle by a homely young woman, Emma, who lives alone on a farm where Max decides to stay in order to hide from the police and his boss.

23

The movie's plot is based on the true story of a group of young computer hackers from Hannover, Germany. In the late 1980s the orphaned Karl Koch invests his heritage in a flat and a home computer. At first he dials up to bulletin boards to discuss conspiracy theories inspired by his favorite novel, R.A. Wilson's "Illuminatus", but soon he and his friend David start breaking into government and military computers. Pepe, one of Karl's rather criminal acquaintances senses that there is money in computer cracking - he travels to east Berlin and tries to contact the KGB.

The Summer with Carmen

While having a day-long swim at Athens' queer beach, best friends Demosthenes and Nikitas recall the events of a recent summer in the prospect of turning them into a screenplay for Nikitas' feature debut.