No Good for Anything (1908)

Anything Once

A Playboy inherits a Western ranch on the condition that he shall run it properly for 6 months. A villain makes an attempt to distract him from reaching the goal, but he, no longer the wastrel of yore, persists and becomes full owner of the property.

The Car of Chance

In his will, Mr. Baird leaves his son Arnold just one seven-passenger auto and a hundred dollars to keep it filled up and in good repair. When James Bennett hears of this, he insists that Baird do something to make his fortune before he can marry his daughter Ruth. Bennett begins by using the car to start a jitney-bus line. This is not terribly impressive to Bennett -- who owns a trolley company -- and he decides he would rather see Ruth married to his controller, William Mott-Smith.

Sunshine Cleaning

A single mother and her slacker sister find an unexpected way to turn their lives around in this off-beat dramatic comedy. In order to raise the tuition to send her young son to private school the mom starts an unusual business – a biohazard removal/crime scene clean-up service.

The Rink

After amusements working in a restaurant, a waiter uses his lunch break to go roller skating.

Belle Époque

In 1931, a young soldier deserts from the army and falls into a country farm, where he is welcomed by the owner due to his political ideas. Manolo has four daughters, Fernando likes all of them and they like him, so he has to decide which one to love.

Eat the Rich

Alex is a disgruntled waiter at a snobby exclusive restaurant who falls on hard times. Forced to deal with the contempt and disgust of the upper class, Alex & cohorts attempt to go on a rampage. Meanwhile, General Karprov and Spider plot to involve the inept anarchists into their plans to derail the prime-minister-to-be's campaign.

Follow the Leader

A kooky waiter and sometimes vaudevillian promises to get his employer's daughter into a Broadway show. When he kidnaps the show's star, she gets her opportunity, as the understudy, to play the role and become a star herself.

The Dice Woman

Anita Gray is the spoiled daughter of a millionaire. Returning home from a party, her car breaks down and she is picked up by a stranger, who sells her his car for a diamond bracelet. The car has been stolen and the police arrest her, but she escapes and takes refuge on a freighter bound for China. She has no money and has to work her way there. Her father learns of her destination and hires Hamlin to bring her safely home.

Danger, Go Slow

Muggsy Mulane, a waif who wears boy's clothing, jumps a freight train to the country after Jimmy "the Eel," the leader of the gang of crooks with whom she works, is arrested. In the village of Cottonville, Muggsy befriends Aunt Sarah, whom she later discovers is Jimmy's mother. When Muggsy learns that the greedy Judge Cotton, who holds the mortgage on Aunt Sarah's property, is planning to foreclose, she threatens to blackmail him, and he relents.

Ravenous

Upon receiving reports of missing persons at Fort Spencer, a remote Army outpost on the Western frontier, Capt. John Boyd investigates. After arriving at his new post, Boyd and his regiment aid a wounded frontiersman who recounts a horrifying tale of a wagon train murdered by its supposed guide -- a vicious U.S. Army colonel gone rogue. Fearing the worst, the regiment heads out into the wilderness to verify the gruesome claims.

The Bastards' Fig Tree

A trigger-happy Nationalist fears retribution from the son of a man he executed. To mollify the boy's anger, he takes a drastic step: he keeps constant watch over the fig tree the boy has planted at his father's gravesite. As the years pass, the man's lonely vigil makes him a tourist attraction, much to the chagrin of his former colleagues.

Subway Sadie

A New York fur saleswoman falls for a man she meets on the subway and must decide if she wants to accept a much dreamed for work transfer to Paris, or stay and get married.

Moonlight Follies

Vivacious Marie Prevost starred in this pleasant little Universal comedy about a flirt who stages moonlight dances at her father's country estate in order to provoke eligible men to fall in love with her.

Dry Martini

Upon hearing that his daughter Elizabeth, is coming from America to visit him in Paris, wealthy Willoughby Quimby, decides to give up dry martinis and women. However, Elizabeth seeks a wild time and ends up leaving France with her father's drinking buddy, Freddie, and Willoughby goes back to his dry martinis.

Project: ALF

Six years ago, the space alien ALF was on his way back to his new home when the Alien Task Force finally caught up with him. Now he is being studied at a top-secret base. There he finds allies who feel that ALF's existence should be announced to the world to ensure his safety... especially when they learn that the abrasive Colonel Milfoil wants ALF destroyed.

Like Wildfire

Tommy Buckman, the ne'er-do-well son of dime store magnate John Buckman, is given one last chance to succeed by surveying a possible location in New England for the opening of another store in his father's chain. Arriving in the town of Winton, Tommy lands in jail and, disowned by his father, is bailed out by Nina Potter, whose father owns the only dime store in town.

Flirting with Death

When an aviator dies performing in a traveling circus, the circus closes and sideshow con men "Sky-High" Billy Wardell and "Domino" Dominick are arrested for giving out fake watches to wheel of fortune winners. After Domino springs the jail's lock, they jump a freight train and arrive in the next town, where Billy falls in love when Jane Higgenbotham allows them to breakfast on her freshly baked pies.

Wag the Dog

During the final weeks of a presidential race, the President is accused of sexual misconduct. To distract the public until the election, the President's adviser hires a Hollywood producer to help him stage a fake war.

Soldier of Fortune

Medieval soldier of fortune Ettore is traveling through Europe with his partners looking for a fight where they can earn some money. When they come across a Spanish castle under siege by the French army, Ettore bides his time to determine which side is the winning one. This is at first the French, but the treatment he receives from them is unpleasant enough to make him change his mind and turn to the Spanish side. Somehow, Ettore must rally the weakened Spanish troops to battle their enemy long enough for reinforcements to arrive.

Renaissance Man

An advertising man is slowly sliding downhill. When he is fired from his job in Detroit, he signs up for unemployment. One day they find him a job: teaching thinking skills to Army recruits. He arrives on base to find that there is no structure set up for the class.

Der brave Soldat Schwejk

Plot unavailable

Follow That Bird

Big Bird is sent to live far from Sesame Street by a pesky social worker, who thinks it would be better for him to live with other birds. Unhappy, Big Bird runs away from his foster home, prompting the rest of the Sesame Street gang to go on a cross-country journey to find him.

Little Big Soldier

The story of a farmer forced into conscription, who has been looking to get out of the army ever since. His great chance arrives when he stumbles upon a wounded general from an enemy state, and he kidnaps him, intending to claim credit for the capture, which includes five acres of land, and most importantly, honorable discharge from the army.

Diary of a Chambermaid

Celestine has a new job as a chambermaid for the quirky M. Monteil, his wife and her father. When the father dies, Celestine decides to quit her job and leave, but when a young girl is raped and murdered, Celestine believes that the Monteils' groundskeeper, Joseph, is guilty, and stays on in order to prove it. She uses her sexuality and the promise of marriage to get Joseph to confess -- but things do not go as planned.